Maximize this site for better viewing

 

  This web site may contain adult materials & references with R to X rated
if you are easily offended, please leave now.
Please Assume That Everything Here is Taken and / or
Borrowed from other lists...If Copy Righted material is here is was never disclosed before I sent it!!!
By going past the winking eye, you agree not to TOS any contributor or me!

All Graphics In Mail Are Collected Or Borrowed unless otherwise stated

Our intent is to provide a way for users to interact and help each other find out what is worthwhile and what is worthless. In fact, We also include sites that we absolutely do not endorse at all. We leave these on UR4Freedom so folks can take note and avoid them in the future. Don't worry, if we find a program that is totally worthless, we will rank it and comment on it accordingly.
Magnolia News © does not accept any responsibility for any links or their contents. 

 Being Polite

A young boy and girl are playing in a sand box. The little boy has to go to take a pee, but was told by his mother to always be polite and don't talk about private matters in public.

At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say to the little girl to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself from the table. So he turns to the little girl and says, "Will you excuse me? I have to go powder my nose".

And, saying that, he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the washroom.

When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks, "Did you powder your nose?"

"Yes," said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox.

"Well then" says the little girl, "you'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out."

 

LINKS

Jokes, cartoons & Pics may be in nature..
These jokes have been classified by Magnolia News as "rude" jokes. They
These jokes have been classified by Magnolia News as "rude" jokes. They may contain foul language, sexual references or other obscene content. We consider these jokes to be suitable for adults only. If you're not an adult and read the jokes anyway, please don't blame us if you get offended.

Click here: Before You Go

http://www.managedmusic.com/Music/PlayBeforeYouGo.php

 

http://video.aol.com/video-detail/7-year-old-sings-national-anthem/40945200

 

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/771099/working_at_home/

 

JOKES

 

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth!

Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.


Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"

(You'll love this>
God replied: "I didn't recognize you."

WOWZER what a light

Name That Tune:

 

 

The proper way to pronounce Oklahoma is......."Okla homa"(there's a pause between the A and the H)
see the reason below

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a
bit lonely, so I thought I'd get me one of those girls
you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling
for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad
for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl,
bending over in the photo. She had all the right
curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy
hair, long graceful legs all the way up. You know the
kind.

So I was in my room and figured, what the heck, I'll
give her a call.

"Hello?" the woman said. Wow! she sounded sexy.

"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you
to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should
be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I
really want is $ex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and
I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long.
You name it, we'll do it. Bring implements, toys,
everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go
hot and heavy all night; tie me up, wear a strap on,
cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream,
anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?"

She says, "That sounds fantastic, ... but for an outside line, sir, you need to dial 9 first."

Southern Hiring Chart

 

Exercise for adults

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from
your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day, you'll find that you
can hold this position longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks.

Then try 25-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you
can lift a 50-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

(I'm at this level now)

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks

 

 Softer Side

Credit is always given if author in known to me

``Ah, les bons vieux temps ou nous etions si malheureux!''
(Oh, the good old times when we were so unhappy!)

 If you write or have any nice writings send them in to be placed on the 'Softer Side'

 

In honor of women's history month and in memory of


Erma Bombeck who lost her fight with cancer. Here

is an "angel" sent to watch over you. Pass this on to

five women that you want watched over. If you don't

know five women to pass this on to, one will do just fine.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a

rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the

carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room

and worried much less about the dirt when someone

wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather

ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried

by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled

up on a summer day because my hair had just been

teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn! With my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching

television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it

was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed

to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy,

I'd have cherished every moment and realized that

the wonderment growing inside me was the only

chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never

have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's"; more

"I'm sorry's."

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it... live it and never give it back.

STOP SWEATING THE SMALL STUFF!!!

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more,

or who's doing what.

Instead; let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with, and what

we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally. I hope you have a blessed day

If you don't mind, send this on to all the women you

are grateful to have as friends. Maybe we should all

grab that purple hat earlier. Please send this to five phenomenal women today in celebration of

Beautiful Women's Month. If you do, something

good will happen - you will boost another woman's

self esteem.

Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet

when our wings have trouble remembering

how to fly.

 

 

This 'n' That

If you join any list from these links
please let them know Magnolia News© referred you.
Magnolia News© or Maggies555 will not be responsible for any content enclosed in
any list joined from these links.

 

 SWEET, BUT POISON - A MUST READ

So you have seen this before, take the time to read it, they are talking about this on the morning shows, there has to be some truth in here some where - Your Health?


In October of 2001, my sister started getting very sick. She had stomach spasms and she was having a hard time getting around. Walking was a major chore. It took everything she had just to get out of bed; she was in so much pain.

By March 2002, she had undergone several tissues and muscle biopsies and was on 24 various prescription medications. The doctors could not determine what was wrong with her. She was in so much pain, and so sick she just knew she was dying. She put her house, bank accounts, life insurance, etc., in her oldest daughter's name, and made sure that her younger children were to be taken care of. She also wanted her last hooray, so she planned a trip to Florida (basically in a wheelchair) for March 22 ND.

On March 19 I called her to ask how her most recent tests went, and she said they didn't find anything on the test, but they believe she had MS. I recalled an article a friend of mine e-mailed to me and I asked my sister if she drank diet soda? She told me that she did. As a matter of fact, she was getting ready to crack one open that moment. I told her not to open it, and to stop drinking the diet soda! I e-mailed her the article my friend, a lawyer, had sent.

My sister called me within 32 hours after our phone conversation and told me she had stopped drinking the diet soda AND she could walk! The muscle spasms went away. She said she didn't feel 100% but she sure felt a lot better. She told me she was going to her doctor with this article and would call me when she got home. Well, she called me, and said her doctor was amazed! He is going to call all of his MS patients to find out if they
consumed artifirial sweeteners of any kind. In a nutshell, she was being poisoned by the Aspartame in the diet soda... and literally dying a slow and miserable death. When she got to Florida March 22, all she had to take was one pill, and that was a pill for the
Aspartame poisoning! She is well on her way to a complete recovery. And she is walking! No wheelchair! This article saved her life.

If it says 'SUGAR FREE' on the label; DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!

I have spent several days lecturing at the WORLD ENVIRONMENTAL CONFERENCE on "ASPARTAME," marketed as 'NutraSweet,' 'Equal,' and 'Spoonful .' In the keynote address by the EPA, it was announced that in the United States in 2001 there is an epidemic of multiple sclerosis and systemic lupus It was difficult to determine exactly what toxin was causing this to be rampant. I stood up and said that I was there to lecture on exactly that subject. I will explain why Aspartame is so dangerous: When the temperature of this
sweetener exceeds 86 degrees F, the wood alcohol in ASPARTAME converts to
formaldehyde and then to formic acid, which in turn causes metabolic acidosis. Formic acid is the poison found in the sting of fire ants. The methanol toxicity mimics, among other conditions, multiple sclerosis and systemic lupus.

Many people were being diagnosed in error. Although multiple sclerosis is not a death sentence, Methanol toxicity is! Systemic lupus has become almost as rampant as multiple sclerosis, especially with Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi drinkers. The victim usually does not know that the Aspartame is the culprit. He or she continues its use; irritating the lupus to such a degree that it may become a life-threatening condition. We have seen patients with systemic lupus become asymptotic, once taken off diet sodas. In cases of those diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, most of the symptoms disappear. We've seen many cases where vision loss returned and hearing loss improved markedly. This also applies to cases of tinnitus and fibromyalgia.

During a lecture, I said, "If you are using ASPARTAME (NutraSweet, Equal,
Spoonful, etc) and you suffer from fibromyalgia symptoms, spasms, shooting
pains, numbness in your legs, cramps, vertigo, dizziness, headaches, tinnitus, joint pain, unexplainable depression, anxiety attacks, slurred speech, blurred vision, or memory loss, you probably have ASPARTAME poisoning!" People were jumping up during the lecture saying, "I have some of these symptoms. Is it reversible?"

Yes! Yes! Yes! STOP drinking diet sodas and be alert for Aspartame on food
labels! Many products are fortified with it!

This is a serious problem. Dr. Espart (one of my speakers) remarked that so many people seem to be symptomatic for MS and during his recent visit to a hospice, a nurse stated that six of her friends, who were heavy Diet Coke addicts, had all been diagnosed with MS. This is beyond coincidence! Diet soda is NOT a diet product! It is a chemically altered, multiple SODIUM (salt) and ASPARTAME containing product that actually makes you crave carbohydrates. It is far more likely to make you GAIN weight!

These products also contain formaldehyde, which stores in the fat cells, particularly in the hips and thighs. Formaldehyde is an absolute toxin and is used primarily to preserve "tissue specimens." Many products we use every day contain this chemical but we SHOULD NOT store it IN our body!

Dr. H. J. Roberts stated in his lectures that once free of the "diet products" and with no significant increase in exercise; his patients lost an average of 19 pounds over a trial period.

Aspartame is especially dangerous for diabetics. We found that some physicians, who believed that they had a patient with retinopathy, in fact, had symptoms caused by Aspartame. The Aspartame drives the blood sugar out of control. Thus diabetics may suffer acute memory loss due to the fact that aspartic acid and phenylalanine are NEUROTOXIC when taken without the other amino acids necessary for a good balance.

Treating diabetes is all about BALANCE.

Especially with diabetics, the Aspartame passes the blood/brain barrier
and it then deteriorates the neurons of the brain; causing various levels
of brain damage, seizures, depression, manic depression, panic attacks,
uncontrollable anger and rage.

Consumption of Aspartame causes these same symptoms in non-diabetics as well. Documentation and observation also reveal that thousands of children diagnosed with ADD and ADHD have had complete turnarounds in their behavior when these chemicals have been removed from their diet. So called "behavior modification prescription drugs" (Ritalin and others) are no longer needed. Truth be told, they were never NEEDED in the first place! Most of these children were being "poisoned" on a daily basis with the very foods that were "better for them than sugar."

It is also suspected that the Aspartame in thousands of pallets of diet Coke and diet Pepsi consumed by men and women fighting in the Gulf War, may be partially to blame for the well-known Gulf War Syndrome.

Dr. Roberts warns that it can cause birth defects, i.e. mental retardation, if taken at the time of conception and during early pregnancy. Children are especially at risk for neurological disorders and should NEVER be given artificial sweeteners. There are many different case histories to relate of children suffering grandemal seizures and other neurological disturbances due to the use of NutraSweet.

Unfortunately, it is not always easy to convince people that Aspartame is to blame for their child's illness. Stevia, which is a sweet herb, NOT AMANUFACTURED ADDITIVE, helps in the metabolism of sugar, which would be ideal for diabetics. It has now been approved as a dietary supplement by the FDA. It is known that for many years the FDA outlawed this true
sweet food," due to their loyalty to MONSANTO Chemical Company."

Books on this subject are available:

EXCITOTOXINS: THE TASTE THAT KILLS written by Dr. Russell Blaylock
(Health Press 1-800-643-2665) AND: DEFENSE AGAINST ALZHEIMER'S
DISEASE-written by DR H. J. Roberts, also a diabetic specialist.

These two doctors will soon be posting a position paper on the
Internet with case histories on the deadly effects of Aspartame. According to the
Conference of the American College of Physicians, "We are talking about a
plague of neurological diseases directly caused by the us of this deadly poison."

Herein lies the problem: There were Congressional Hearings when Aspartame
was included 100 different products and strong objection was made
concerning its use. Since this initial hearing, there have been two subsequent
hearings, and still nothing has been done. The drug and chemical lobbies
have very deep pockets. Sadly, MONSANTO'S patent on Aspartame has
EXPIRED!

There are now over 5,000 products on the market that contain this deadly
chemical and there will be thousands more introduced. Everybody wants a
"piece of the Aspartame pie." I assure you that MONSANTO, the creator of
Aspartame, knows how deadly it is. And isn't it ironic that MONSANTO
funds, among others, the American Diabetes Association, the American Dietetic
Association and the Conference of the American College of Physicians?
This has been recently exposed in the New York Times. These [organizations]
cannot criticize any additives or convey ! their link to MONSANTO because
they take money from the food industry and are required to endorse their
products.

Senator Howard Metzenbaum wrote and presented a bill that would require
label warnings on products containing Aspartame, especially regarding
pregnant women, children and infants. The bill would also institute
independent studies on the known dangers and the problems existing in the
general population regarding seizures, changes in brain chemistry,
neurological changes and behavioral symptoms. The bill was killed. It is
known that the powerful drug and chemic al lobbies are responsible for this,
letting loose the hounds of disease and death on an unsuspecting and
uninformed public. Well, you're informed now! YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO
KNOW!

Please print this out and/or e-mail to your family and friends. They have a right to know too".


WHEN PLANTS GO BAD!!

 

 

 

Want to find some GREAT newsletter to join?

Let them know Magnolia News sent you.

 

Welcome-to-Harmony

Harmony-Adult Harmony-Awards Harmony-Graphics

Harmony-Inspritional Harmony-Editors Harmony-Join

Harmony Poetry-Receipes Harmony Misc-Ads

Harmony-Music-Wavs Harmony-Newsletters

Harmony-Computers-Ed

 

 Tell'em Magnolia News Sent ya!

 

 

 

An Interactive ADULT E-zine that is a daily published web site
offering Jokes, Links, Poems, Cartoons and much much more
Enter the world of good fun and good friends, you're but one
click away from all that we offer.

If you've read it, enjoy it again,
If you've not read it, you're in for a treat
or visit monthly ezine

Magnolia News Monthly E-Zine

Come join our fun & click the link below.

Magnolia News -- PLZ add me

 

 

 

Hugs & Smiles

Have a Safe & Fun Month

 

 

 

 Duck TJ…incoming

 

Irish Blessing