The Lost Summer

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Co written with HW. Series of ficlets in which Spike spends an evening with each member of the remaining Scoobies. Takes place during the summer after The Gift

Dawn

He had to be quiet.

He had to be quiet or they’d hear.

And if they heard, they’d come to check on her and he didn’t want that. She wouldn't want that either.

She didn’t like it when they wrapped their arms around her, smothering her; trying too hard to make up for the loss of sister and mother. She didn’t like it when they tried to reassure her, tried to tell her that things would be ok. They all knew better. Things would never be ok.

From his spot by the window Spike watched her and waited. She hadn't noticed him yet. Her face was buried in her pillow to muffle the sound of her crying. He could faintly hear the even breaths of Willow and Tara in the next room. She wouldn't wake them. He longed to go to her and hold her, as much for his own comfort as to provide some for her.

After a few minutes her crying subsided and Spike saw her raise a hand to her face to wipe away the tears. She rolled onto her back and stared at the ceiling.

“Where have you been?”

The vampire's eyes never moved from her face as he shrugged. “Around.”

“I needed you.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

She turned to face him then and the look of pain and saddness on her face was all it took for him to immediately stand and go to her. He grasped her tightly to his chest and she clung to him as though he were her lifeline.

“I dreamed about her again.”

Spike frowned and pressed a kiss against her hair. “Why didn’t you wake Willow and Tara?”

“I don’t want them here. They’re not Buffy. They’re not mom.”

“I know.”

“They should stop pretending they are,” Dawn growled angrily before here face crumpled in sadness again. “I can’t sleep at night. I’m so tired Spike. I need…”

“What do you need nibblet?”

“I need Buffy.”

They sat in silence for a while. Dawn moved back to the edge of the bed and Spike lay down next to her. She rested her head against his chest and closed her eyes as her friend began to gently stroke her hair. It was an unconcious gesture, but it brought peace to both of them just the same.

"They're going to reactivate the robot."

"What?" Spike exclaimed in genuine disbelief. "Why? How?"

"Willow thinks she can fix it," Dawn murmured. "They decided they should keep up the pretence that Buffy is alive."

"They?"

"Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya."

"And what do you think sweet pea?"

"I didn't get a vote. And you don't either. Giles only agreed when they pointed out that I's get taken away if I didn't have a guardian."

An intense anger spread through Spike, but he held his tongue, not wanting to upset Dawn further. After another moments silence Dawn asked the question that Spike had been expecting since she had first noticed he was there. The same question she asked every time he came to her. “Read to me?”

His hand was already reaching for the book on the nightstand. There wasn’t much more to read. He could finish it tonight. But Dawn would be asleep after the first few pages, so he knew he couldn’t read too far ahead. “Ready?"

She nodded.

"Chapter Nineteen. Hermione screamed…"

Willow

"Spike… slow… down…" Willow called as she chased the vampire through the cemetery. She stopped when she saw him disappear behind a crypt and collapsed onto a gravestone to catch her breath. "Or run off and leave me here alone, that's fine too."

She sat for a few minutes looking up at the sky. Sunnydale's cemeteries were some of the few places in town you could see the stars properly. And, despite the occasional demon or vampire, they were also the most peaceful. Funny that she'd never noticed that before.

The redhead pulled her coat around her more firmly. It may have been July but she was still sitting in a graveyard in the middle of the night. It was enough to make any normal person shiver.

"Come on Spike," she muttered. "Hurry up so we can go home. Most of us actually need sleep."

"What was that?" Spike asked as he appeared behind her, making her jump.

"Don't do that," Willow said, annoyed that he had scared her.

"Do what?" he asked innocently, lighting a cigarette.

"That creepy vampire stealth thing. You shouldn't try to frighten people. It's not nice."
Spike stared at her incredulously. "Vampire."

"Did you get it?"

"What?"
"The vampire? You staked it?"

"Have we started doing something else? Are we supposed to be rehabilitating them now? Of course I staked it."

"There's no need to be Mr Sarcastic Guy. I'm just asking." Spike didn't answer, but Willow continued muttering under her breath. "We're rehabilitating you."

"No you're not."

"Huh?" Willow asked looking up.

"Nothing."

"Spike is something wrong?" She ignored his raised eyebrow and clarified, "Apart from the obvious."

"Just something Dawn said. It's nothing."

"Tell me," Willow demanded, resolve face firmly in place.

"She just mentioned you decided to switch the bot back on is all."

The young Witch looked away and Spike fidgeted, both uncomfortable with the conversation.

"You think I want to do it?"

Spike shrugged.

"Well I don't. That thing is not Buffy."

"I know that," he growled angrily.

"Well we need Buffy, Spike. We need Buffy to fight the vampires and we need Buffy to keep Dawn with us. So it's the Buffybot or…"

The vampire frowned at her. "Or what?"

Willow shook her head. "Nothing."

"Or what Willow?"

"Nothing!" Willow shouted as she began to march away across the cemetery. Spike was next to her in an instant. He grasped her arms tightly until they both winced from the pain.

"You can't bring her back. It's too dangerous."

They stared at each other fiercely for a moment until Willow's eyes clouded with tears. "But don't you wish…?"

Spike's face softened and he sighed heavily. "Every day. Every single bloody day. But this is how it is."

She pushed him away angrily. "So that's it? We don't even try?"

"No. No we don't try. And when you start thinking rationally, you'll realise just how wrong it is. You can't mess around with life and death."

"You do. You're a vampire you mess around with life and death all the time."

"And that's what you want is it? Vampire Buffy would be better than no Buffy?"

"She wouldn't be a vampire…"

"You don't know what she'd be. It never turns out the way you think it will. Trust me."

"Spike…"

"If you're serious about this I'll go to Giles. He might be able to talk some sense into you."

"Who the hell do you think you are? I'm the boss remember. Stop talking to me like I'm a child." She stood with her hands on her hips, refusing to be intimidated as he stepped closer to her.

"You're not my boss Red. Your girlfriend and Harris and his Mrs might all need a leader but not me. And I'm not taking any crap from you."

He turned to walk away, missing the moment Willow's eyes flashed black as she murmured "Thicken."

An invisible force stopped Spike in his tracks and he struggled for a moment before Willow realised what had happened and released him. He spun round to face her instantly, the look on his face deadly.

"Spike, I'm sorry. I didn't realise… It was a reflex," Willow babbled, horrified at herself. For a moment she thought he was going to say something, to shout at her, but he simply shook his head and walked away. She hurried to catch up with him and they walked in silence out of the cemetery and turned towards Revello Drive.

When they reached the Summers' house, Spike walked her to the door as always and waited silently while she unlocked and opened it. She turned to face him before she entered and sighed when he refused to meet her eyes. "I'm sorry. About the magic and about the whole bringing Buffy back thing. Of course it's crossed my mind. Don't tell me it hasn't crossed yours."

He looked up then and met her eyes, watching for something as she continued, "I'm… I'm not serious. It is too dangerous. It's forgotten."

Spike nodded. "And forgiven."

The redhead smiled. "Good night Spike."

"Night Red," the vampire called out as he turned and walked back down to the sidewalk and out into the night.

Xander

"Ok, Spike. You want to tell me what we're doing here?"

Xander eyes the bar suspiciously, as though he expected some sort of attack at any moment. Spike on the other hand took a seat and made himself comfortable at the bar, motioning for a drink.

"I thought we were supposed to be patrolling." Xander pushed, standing beside the vampire but making no move to sit down. His eyes were still scanning the crowd for any sign of trouble but so far the patrons seemed to be satisfied just enjoying a quiet drink.

Spike shrugged. "Figured we could use a night off. The girls said they'd cover."

Xander moved his attention to the vampire sat down in front of him, his eyes narrowing with fresh suspicion.

"Willow, Anya and Tara know about us being here? In a bar?"

"That's what I said." Spike replied. "Now sit down and have a drink will you, I look like a right tit sitting here by myself."

Xander eyed the empty seat for a moment before cautiously sliding into it and picking up the drink that was waiting for him. His favourite brand of beer.

"So what occasion means that you, of all people, is parting with their precious money. Wait, did you steal it from one of us?"

"No!" Spike protested with almost an air of hurt. "Did a job for a guy who happens to pay quiet well."

Xander shook his head. "I don't even want to know. So what's the occasion?"

"Nothing really. You've just been patrolling a lot recently and I figured you could use a break. So can I, really, watching your back can tire a bloke out you know."

Xander snorted. "Watching my back? Have you forgotten that I hate you?"

The two of them knocked back their drinks with perfect synchronicity.

"I haven't forgotten." Spike replied softly, as he motioned for two more drinks. "But you're not actually a bad bloke, Harris. Sometimes. Besides, I promised Buffy I'd watch out for you. All of you."

They fell silent at the mention of Buffy's name and focused on their drinks.

"Did I ever thank you for saving me from that Kathlor demon?" Xander finally asked.

Spike looked at him, slightly taken aback by the lack of sarcasm in Xander's voice. "I don't think so."

Xander nodded and took a healthy gulp from the fresh beer Spike had ordered. "I will."

Spike grinned and ordered some more drinks

* * *

"You know wha'?" Xander slurred as he staggered out of the bar, leaning rather heavily on Spike.

"What's that?" Spike asked as patiently as he could. For the past half an hour he'd been listening to Xander ramble drunkenly about things that made little or no sense and it was starting to wear a bit thin. He'd just wanted the boy to loosen up a bit, not drink himself senseless.

"You're not so bad....for a vampire anyway."

Spike gave a small smile, he was starting to quite like this version of Xander. Pity that in the morning he'd go back to being his obnoxious self.

The rest of the journey was made in relative silence, the only sounds being the occasional hiccup or burp from Xander. They reached his door and after about five minutes of fumbling with the keys he managed to get it open.

"Home Sweet Home!" He announced, wincing as he switched on the lights and his eyes protested. "You wanna come in, fang breath?"

Spike shrugged and stepped over the threshold just in time to see Xander collapse face first onto the couch.

"'ike?" Xander called, his voice almost entirely muffled by the couch cushions.

"Yeah?"

Xander turned his head and peered blearily up at the vampire who was standing over him.

"Thanks for saving me from that Kathlor demon."

A moment later his eyes closed and he was out cold.

Spike gave a small smile and draped a blanket over the now sleeping man.

"You're welcome, Xander."

Giles

Giles sighed heavily as Spike plonked himself in a chair beside him.

"What have I done to deserve this?"

Spike raised an eyebrow and looked at the older man with an air of offence

"Ta, Rupert. You really know how to make a bloke feel welcome. I thought you wanted some help."

Giles moved to his bookshelf and began to move books onto the table. Sighing again when he realised Spike wasn't going to help with the manual labour.

"It's not the help I don't appreciate, Spike, it's who's giving it. You're not exactly the research type, now are you?"

Spike shrugged and picked up the first book from the pile. "Shows what you know then, doesn't it."

Giles raised an eyebrow and gave a smug smile. "Spike, that book is in Ancient Greek. I hardly think that you-"

"In times past, tales were told of demonic creatures who inhabited the earth. They ruled it as their own until she was chosen. A warrior to protect humanity."

Spike looked up to see Giles staring at him with open-mouthed shock. "Pretty, ain't it?"

"How...what....I need a drink."

"Get me one while you're there, will you?" Spike called as Giles disappeared into the kitchen. The look on his face made this almost as fun as patrolling. He turned his attention back to the book. "What is it we're looking for anyway?"

Giles returned with a bottle of scotch and two glasses, placing them on the table and picking up another of the books.

"There have been a few instances of people being rendered blind. The effects are only temporary and each person claims to have heard a rattling noise shortly before losing their sight."

Spike slammed his book shut. "A Faknosh demon."

"What?"

"A Faknosh demon. They live mostly in caves and the rattling is the call they make. Causes they victims to go blind for an easy kill. I'll have Red do a spell to protect our ears and I'll take the gang hunting tomorrow night."

Giles poured himself and Spike a healthy glass of scotch and took a deep drink.

"Well, that took less time than I'd expected. Now are you going to explain to me how you came to learn Ancient Greek?"

Spike drained his glass and poured himself another one.

"It doesn't matter."

"What's wrong?" Giles asked with a wicked grin. "Scared?"

"Of you? Don't flatter yourself, Giles. I've been more scared of a small kitten."

"Fine." Giles grumbled. "But don't expect a flattering account of you in my Watcher's journal then. At the moment I have you listed as a great warrior but that can soon be changed and when someone finally dusts you my records will be all that remain. Or more importantly I'll ensure that Angel receives a much better account than you."

"Hey! I'm not having you make Peaches sound better than me. Stupid poof. Fin, you win but if I tell you this, you had better make me sound damn good in your journal."

Giles nodded.

"I used to be a librarian."

Spike jumped back as Giles let out an explosive cough, spraying half the room with scotch.

"You what?"

"A librarian." Spike repeated, beginning to wish he'd stayed quiet. "Back before I was sired."

Giles stared at him for a moment, and then to his shame he began to laugh. It started as a small chuckle and within minutes the Watcher was howling with tears streamig down his face.

"A librarian. You. Oh, this is priceless."

Spike rolled his eyes and sighed. "Yeah, it's a real riot."

"I can just see you in a tweed suit with bleached hair."

"Hey! For your information my hair was sandy blonde back then."

This only made Giles laugh harder and Spike decided it would probably be best if he didn't say anything further to incriminate himself. Finally, after about five more minutes Giles' laughter died down and he wiped the tears from his face.

"Spike, thank you. I can't remember when I last laughed like that."

Suddenly Spike wasn't sure whether to be angry at his humiliation or glad that in some small way he'd helped relieve Giles' pain for a moment at least.

"Just don't tell the others." He grumbled. "I've got an image to maintain."

Giles smiled and re-filled Spike's glass.

"Your secret's safe with me."

Anya

"Like that would ever happen," Anya muttered, shoving a handful of popcorn in her mouth.

"Right," Spike snorted in agreement."Who writes this crap anyway? Surely they pay someone to get the facts right."

"People don't care about facts. I mean, did you see Titanic? That wasn't how it happened."

Spike narrowed his eyes at Anya. "Didn't have anything to do with you, did it?"

"No," Anya answered defensively. "I'm just saying it was inaccurate."

"Shh."

"Why are we here anyway? It's not exactly scary. If you wanted to see horror, I'm sure there's a Disney film on somewhere."

"I don't want horror, I want comedy."

"Shhh!"

"Popcorn."

"No. You finished your own. This is mine."

"Anyanka."

A piece of popcorn hit him on the nose. Anya snorted and then raised a hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter.

"Fine," Spike stated calmly, before launching himself at Anya and proceeding to tickle her.

"Spike! Spike no stop! Don't, please. Oh see, now look what you made me do. It's all over the floor."

"Serves you right for not sharing."

"Hey!" Spike and Anya looked behind them at the tall, muscular man who was glowering at them from the row behind. "Why don't you and your girl go get a room and let the rest of us enjoy the movie in peace?"

The vampire and former demon exchanged a look before Spike stood and stared down at the other man. "You're right. We're sorry. You came to watch the movie not listen to us chatter on. We'll be quiet."

"And I'm not his girlfriend," Anya corrected, glowering at the man.

Spike rolled his eyes. "Right."

"I don't care," the man stated, gesturing that Spike was in his way.

The vampire raised his eyebrows and then glanced from the screen to the man in front of him. "Like vampire movies huh?"

Anya smiled as she noted the tone of Spike's voice and the unholy glint in his eyes.

"Yes," the man replied. "What's it to you?"

Spike shook his head. "Nothing. Just if you like the movies, I'm sure you'd be just as thrilled to meet the real thing." Without giving the man time to comment Spike's face changed, revealing his demon form. "What do you think? Better than Brad Pitt right?"

The man scrambled out of his seat and raced for the exit, as did many of the others sitting in the area.

Shaking his head, his face returned to human once more and Spike sat back down. "Was it something I said?"

Anya clutched her sides and tears streamed down her face as she laughed silently. "Spike," she gasped out eventually, "promise me we can do this more often?"

Spike didn't answer, but a small smile graced his lips as they settled themselves comfortably again and turned their attention back to the film.

Tara

"It's quiet tonight." Tara mused softly as she and Spike made their way through the cemetery.

"Yeah, mind you we've been patrolling so much it's a wonder there are any demons or vampires left at all."

Tara looked at him with surprise. "Is that possible? For us to wipe them out, I mean."

She ducked her head shyly and Spike smiled at her gently. "I wish it were, pet."

The couple wove through the gravestones until they finally reached their destination. Spike knelt down, brushed his fingers over the gravestone and laid his flowes down.

"Hello, Joyce. Sorry I haven't been around for a while but things have been so busy since..."

He swiped at a tear which was slowly rolling down his cheek and swallowed back a sob that was working in his throat. He'd been so sure he was ready to do this but now he wasn't so certain.

"Dawn is doing well, being brave just like you were. I'm sorry I couldn't keep her safe. I'm sorry I messed up. I'm sorry Buffy had to-"

He broke down at this point, wracked with grief and guilt. Tara, who had been stood back to give him some privacy, moved forward and wrapped her arms around him.

"It's ok, Spike. Shh, it's ok."

"It's not ok!" He snapped, more harshly than he'd intended. "I failed her. I failed them both."

At that he began to sob once more and all Tara could do was hold him and do her best to console him.

After about ten minutes his cries died down to sniffles and she tentively pulled back to check on him. He rubbed his face and offered her an embarassed smile.

"Sorry about that, pet."

She shook her head.

"No need to be sorry, Spike. You really loved her, didn't you?"

He stared at her, surprised.

"Buffy? How can you ask me that? She was my whole world. She was-"

"Not Buffy." Tara interrupted. "I know you loved her. I meant Mrs Summers."

"Oh." Spike stared down at the gravestone and wiped at another tear. "Yeah, I did. She was a lot like my own mum. When my mum got ill she fought it all the way, just like Joyce did. I did what I could to try and save her but I still lost her."

Tara's eyes filled with sympathy and she gave him another small hug.

"I'm sorry, Spike. I lost my mom too so I know how it feels. The pain never fully goes away. But I know she's up there watching over me and I'm sure Mrs Summers and your own mom are doing the same.

Spike cast his eyes upwards and gave a thoughtful smile. "I hope you're right."

The two of them then rose and began to make a slow walk back.

"Do you want to go and see her?" Tara asked softly as they reached the cemetery gates.

Spike looked in the direction of the woods that held Buffy's grave and shook his head gently.

"Not tonight, pet. It's too soon."

And too painful, he added silently. Tara nodded her understanding and the two of them walked home in silence.

The End