Chapter 1

Spike stood back and looked over his handiwork, most impressed with himself. The task had taken a little more than the time he'd allotted, but it was done on time and Buffy wasn't due back from patrol for at least an hour. He'd arranged precisely 1764 white long stem roses in bouquets around her bedroom. He doubted she'd actually realize the significance of the 147 dozens, but he knew and that was enough for him. She'd been gone 147 days and he'd returned to Sunnydale on the 148th. He'd returned from Africa a little over 4 weeks previously a new man, a dramatically changed man, one he hoped Buffy would be able to allow herself to consider. Every time he ran the diatribe over in his mind he gave a shudder, he was....it pained him to think....he was a noble vampire, a vampire with a soul.....cast such a poor lot in life then rose above it....yadda, yadda, yadda. Channeling his inner Randy on a daily basis was a serious pain in the ass. However, one thing he wasn't, mercifully, was Randy. The leather duster would only part from his ashes and for no other reason. Each instance his conscience smacked him he'd counter it with a swig from his flask and then spouted off every profanity he could conjure. He couldn't forget who he was after all. The rebel, the rebel with a cause.

The cause was the same as ever, live and die (metaphorically speaking) for his Slayer, for Buffy. When he'd arrived back in California after all he'd been through his first instinct was run to her front door and announce the fact that he'd earned himself his soul. But as he stepped over the threshold into Sunnydale he felt the pangs deep inside that told him that maybe she wouldn't welcome him or even appreciate his journey. So for a while he just watched her, the most thrilling and beautiful woman in history. He loved her from afar and all the more now that the soul told him it was a generous and selfless kind of love. He was watching her back again on patrol and for a few fleeting moments he knew she sensed he was about, but the belief he was gone for good told her it wasn't possible. He was surprised and even heart sick to find that on many occasions she'd make her way to his old crypt. She'd duck inside and often not emerge for as long as half an hour.

Later that first time he'd gone back to look inside and found himself confronted with something that could only be described as sign of hope. The crypt had been washed of any sign he'd ever been there, for in truth at the time of his departure he had no intention whatsoever of returning. However it seemed Buffy had taken it upon herself to establish the place as a refuge. The lower level remained a blackened cave, but the upper level was strewn with candles of a variety of styles, colors and scents, as well as a few old pillows and a blanket that used to be his. He guessed he must have left it at her house and not remembered. There was a pile of paperback books with the makeshift living area, mostly fluff fiction, but also a copy of an anthology of romantic poetry.

He supposed his actions after that could be construed as stalking, but he didn't see it that way. He thought he was being romantic and mysterious. Apparently so did Buffy. It began very simply, he watched her leave for a patrol and eased up to the house to adorn the front mat with a bouquet of pink roses. There was nothing suspicious or assuming about the gathering, they simply intrigued and delighted her when she came upon them. He repeated the action with different flowers for several days until he caught Dawn standing guard on Buffy obvious request. It was then that he augmented his wooing ways, it began by hanging a tiny silver chain with a slight raindrop pendant on the post of her back porch. It took her two days to find it, but she'd been wearing it ever since.

Chapter 2

One night Spike watched from a hiding spot behind the neighbor's row of cedars. Buffy and Dawn exited the house arm in arm, smiling sweetly as they talked. He started to follow and listened intently. He learned they were going to a movie; that Dawn had a part time job at a clothing store in the mall and much to his pleasure Giles had managed to finagle the Council of Watchers into paying the Slayer an annual salary. The lives of the two girls he loved best were quiet and content and the knowledge gave him solace. He turned around and made his way back to the house, his hand reaching inside the pocket of the ever present black leather duster to touch the gift he'd purchased for he bellowed.

Breaking into the house was no trouble whatsoever, simply picking the lock on the back door and slipping inside. Not much, if anything at all had changed about the place, least of which was Buffy's bedroom. It still had the semblance of a young girl's place. The colors were still pastel and soft, the furniture quaint as always. Nonetheless the entire room was permeated with her essence. He could not help the strong pull on his heart to feel closer to her again and lay himself down on her bed. He buried his face in the down of her pillow and inhaled deeply.

The sensations of arousal and animal knowledge caused his entire body to shudder. However he did not linger; he worried she'd take this as an invasion and he had not come to satisfy his own selfish needs. He straightened the covers and lay a small book on her pillow. I was a collection of selected poems of his perennial favorite, Lord Byron. Folded into the 200 year old edition was a verse from 'She Walks in Beauty' written in his own hand. He went back out the way he'd come in, locking the door behind him.

It seemed to Spike that the Slayer was quite taken with the concept of having a secret admirer, after all she hadn't called the cops on him. This sort of behavior continued for him for another week and a half, until he'd been caught in the act. It had come down to a matter of a pair of pink African diamond earrings. The demon Sarlaak, to whom Spike owed the soul restoration, snacked on the things like they were kernels of popcorn. The cave in which the Sarlaak dwelled was littered with the gems and Spike had helped himself to a generous handful, or three - the coat had many pockets after all.

Spike had thought he was alone in the house, Buffy on patrol and Dawn gone out with her friends. He'd been too wrapped up in finding the perfect place to display the earrings to notice someone had come home. Just as he affixed the studs to poor Mr. Gordo's ears, Dawn burst through the door brandishing an armed crossbow.

"Bloody hell!" he exclaimed, nearly jumping out of his skin.

"SPIKE!!!" yelled Dawn, tossing the weapon aside and lunging for the vampire. He found himself with two impossibly strong teenage girl arms crushing his ribcage. He was dumbstruck for a time and unable to will himself to move. When it seemed he wasn't about to be released from her hold anytime soon, he let himself remember how he'd missed the girl. Spike relaxed and returned Dawn's embrace with equal ardor. He sagged over her shoulder and hugged her close.

"Hey.....how's my lil' bit?" he asked in a soothing tone. Dawn looked up at him with eyes full of tears, it was evident he'd been missed.

"I knew it! I knew you weren't gone for good!"

"'Course not."

"Xander said...."

"Oh yeah! Take the whelp's word over ol' Spike's! You know me, platelet, I'll be here for as long as you n' big sis are....just needed to go on a lil' safari, that's all."

"Xander....he said....he said you....."

"What did Xander say?"

"He said you tried to rape Buffy....you would never do that, I know you never would!" Spike sighed and closed his eyes, the most painful memory of his entire unlife washing over him as a black tar. He didn't know how to reconcile what had occurred within himself, let alone to the girl he still held in his arms.

"Dawn.....I......come and sit with me." He led her over to the bed and sat next to her, keeping on her hand in his,"You know I love you right? And that I've never lied to you? You're 16 now, you're not a child and I'm not gonna treat you like one. Okay?" She nodded her head and he continued on,"I love Buffy too, love Buffy above everything else in the whole bloody world. I made a mistake - I thought we were playing the same old games she n' I always had. When I realized it wasn't a game, I stopped and I left. I would never hurt her, not like that, never like that - I'd stake m'self first. Did Buffy say anything?"

"She told me that 'no', you didn't." Relief visibly overcame him and Dawn smiled at seeing it, squeezing his hand tighter,"Spike?"

"Yes, bit?"

"Why are you in Buffy's bedroom?"

"Oh...um....I....." Dawn suddenly caught the glint of light reflecting off of the stuffed pig and grabbed it starring in awe at the earrings.

"It's you!! You're her secret admirer!! Ha! I knew it had to be you!"

"Did you now?"

"Well no...but I hoped. Buffy even thought it was this geek Leonard she used to work with at the Doublemeat."

"She isn't soft on the bloke is she?"

"Um, duh, Spike...she's an idiot. After some embarrassing moments she figured out it wasn't Leonard, then her brain went numb. Now she's thinking it's this Fyarl she fought last month."

"Oh now that's bloody rich! Has it even occurred to her that it might just be the man who's hopelessly in love with her?"

"No, but I think it's because she doesn't want to get her hopes up. She'll never admit it, but I think she misses you. Alot."

"Nice to know, nibblet. Look...I don't have a bloody clue why I'm doing this Don Juan junk....but I'm just trying to make her a lil' happy, give 'er a lil' romance, you know? Maybe earn a chance with her."

"And I'm gonna help you!"

Chapter 3

So as it was, Dawn had kept her word and even helped him inside with all the flowers. It took innumerable trips from the DeSoto, retrieved from the care of the ever loyal friend Clem, to move all the roses up to Buffy's bedroom. Dawn left him to his own for a time and when she came back, tears sprang from her eyes at the beautiful transformation. Spike was just laying a singular red rose on Buffy's pillow when his coconspirator returned.

"I should be going," he reasoned,"Not ready to be unmasked just yet....or staked come to think of it."

"She won't stake you. She might yell, scream, rant and rave...but she won't kill you."

"Don't be too sure 'bout that one, nibblet...I tend to push her buttons. Right then, she'll be home soon, I'll be off now."

"What next after this? It'll be hard to top."

"Well, I was toying with the notion of wrapping m'self up like a birthday prezzy....big red bow n' everything." Dawn rolled her eyes at him.

"How's about you just come to the front door one night?" Spike drew one long stemmed white rose and present it to Dawn with a peck on her cheek.

"'Night, sweet bit." And with that he left.

Buffy returned home after a particularly difficult night of slaying. Most nights she patrolled alone, occasionally Xander would tag along, or Giles now that he'd settled back in Sunnydale. But neither of them could really match up as well as Spike had. With him she had someone with similar feral instincts, someone who anticipated her thoughts and movements in a fight, someone she could get in synch with. That had been Spike and those qualities weren't in either Xander or Giles. Therefore Buffy patrolled alone. The house was quiet, Dawn was likely already asleep and another night was finally to a close for the Slayer. She sighed and put away her stakes and knives in the weapons chest and slowly climbed the stairs.

The unexpected fragrance of flowers touched her senses as she ascended, she passed it off as the summer wind blowing through a probably open window. The light was peaking out from under sister's door and Buffy stopped to say goodnight."Dawn?" Buffy inquired as she rapped lightly on the door and pushed it open.

"Hey Buffy how does the slayage?" her sister answered, looking up from her book.

"It goes...took out a nest of vamps, no big."

"Then why are you covered in dirt?"

"Okay, so they were kinda big...but now they're part of the landscape."

"You look beat, why don't you go lie down in your room and I'll bring you some chamomile tea?"

"Oh, that sounds nice, that's nice of you." Dawn nodded and bounded out of the room and down the hall. Meanwhile, Buffy sleepily crossed the hall to her bedroom, starting to peel off her sweaty, dusty clothes. When she opened the door, the faint smell of roses from before suddenly swelled around her. The pastoral sight of her entire bedroom covered in white roses almost made her swoon. As it was she felt shaky and giddy. The butterflies in her stomach lurched and danced as she tried to regain some composure. The diamonds studs in her ears suddenly felt quite cold on her lobes. This was above and beyond anything she could have ever imagine, the kind of gesture that only ever occurred in romance novels.

Buffy had been standing rooted to the same spot for the entire time Dawn had been gone. The younger Summers' heart leapt with feelings of hope and happiness, Spike was one in a million and hopefully Buffy could start seeing it."Buffy? What is it?" Dawn asked with a hint of a tease. Knowing full well what had stunned her sister into silence, Dawn crept up beside her and shoved the cup of tea into Buffy's hands."Wow...."

"Uh-huh."

"He must really really really really really love you."

"Uh-huh."

"Still no idea who it is?"

"Huh..."

"Was that in the negative or the positive? Would you just look at this...this is true romance, true love. I mean, really, to go to the probably incredible chore of lugging all these dozens or roses up the stairs, take the time to arrange them so nicely. The red rose is a nice touch don't you think?"

"Uh-huh."

"Two syllables....try for three next time."

"Dawn..."

"That's one..."

"Dawn....you were home all night?"

"Yup." The other shoe finally dropped.

"You know who it is!!??!"

"I do."

"Tell me!"

"Nope." Buffy turned to her sister with mouth wide and eyes wider.

"You have to tell me!!"

"Says you? Plbbbbp.....nuts to that. Grab a clue and take a guess, and close your mouth, you'll catch flies."

"Dawn, I've been wracking my brain since the first bouquet of pink roses....please tell me! Give me a hint at least."

"A clue? Hmmm.....well, he's sweet, I like him a whole lot, he's cute....um...he looks out for me...."

"But the only one who remotely fits that description is Xa...."

"Kitten poker, he also enjoys playing poker for kittens."

"Kittens? Oh it's not Clem is it? Poor Clement...he's, he's nice, but he's not my type.....I don't want to crush him...." Inside her head Dawn was screaming to Buffy that she's was an idiot.

"Yes, Buffy, it's Clement.....oh yeah, it's so Clement.....geez....I'm going to bed. Such an idiot......" With a roll of her eyes Dawn left Buffy to her delusions, What does it take? A sledgehammer? Railway spike through the brain? What an idiot......

"Clement? Clement? Oh dear....."

Chapter 4

Buffy woke up to the sound of pouring rain. At first it didn't register that it was indeed water falling from the sky, she couldn't remember the last time it rained. The next sound she heard was Dawn's feet pounding up the stairs and then the teenager burst into the room,"Buffy? Oh good you're up...do we have an umbrella?"

"Huh?"

"An um-brel-la, it's raining outside."

"It doesn't rain in Sunnydale."

"Tell that to the rain. Umbrella? Gotta go to work, the mall will be busy with the rain driving people inside, I don't want to be late."

"There might be one in the closet under the stairs. You'll be home when?"

"Later...before patrol time, promise! C-ya!" Dawn was gone before she had a chance to say anything more. Buffy rolled out of bed and padded across the way to the bathroom barely picking her feet up, yawning widely. Mornings were not her favorite time, Dawn was almost always up first, not a typical teenager. Buffy's sister was usually happy to start another day, Buffy usually asked for another hour of sleep. She stepped into the hot stream of the shower's water and swayed gently to the combined rhythm of the rain outside and the water flowing down her body. Her day was already planned in her mind, the first thing to do would be to sit down with Clement and let him down easy. She would thank him, tell him she was flattered, then break his poor sweet heart. She was dreading it, he'd gone to such lengths and showed such adorable devotion and they'd barely spent and time together.

She'd asked him one time if he'd heard from Spike and hadn't really spoken to him since, he was only able to tell her what she already knew. Spike had left with the intention of coming back, but now that he'd been gone so long even Clem wasn't sure he was coming back. Every time Buffy thought of the the long departed vampire her entire body felt an ache she didn't know was possible. She wasn't supposed to miss him, she wasn't supposed to care about where he'd gone and she definitely was not supposed to find herself silently hoping he was okay. Maybe he'd hooked up with Drusilla again, maybe they were raising hell all over Europe. Or perhaps he was just alone in the corner of some pub in London drowning his sorrows in a pint of beer. At any rate he wasn't in Sunnydale, despite the fact that his presence was everywhere she went. There wasn't a single spot in the entire city that didn't evoke some memory of him.

She hit the shower off abruptly, making the pipes groan loudly. She chastised herself for the apparent weakness for thinking about him and cursed the vampire for making her this way. She had some unpleasant business to attend to on this dreary day and the sooner she saw to it, the sooner she could get back to her life, whatever that meant. She never missed Riley this much, maybe not even Angel.

Later that same morning Buffy waited for the friendly demon to answer her knock on his door. She heard scuffling on the other side before the door was suddenly swept open to reveal a rather unsettled and ever wrinkly Clem."BUFFY! Buffy! So...so....so....n..nice to see you again. How's Dawn? What can I do for you? And how about that rain huh?" he stammered.

"Hello Clement, can I come in?"

"NO! I mean no, the place is a mess, it's embarrassing."

"I don't mind....well, this won't take too long. Clem you've been wonderful, ever since my birthday party and especially how you were with helping me with Dawn after Spike....after he left. The gifts have been beautiful, really they have, but I think last night needs to be the last time. It's not that I don't think you're a fantastic person....but I.....we can't work, we're just too different....."

"Buffy? What are you talking about?"

"Sorry?"

"What happened last night?"

"The flowers, the jewelry, the poetry..."

"Sophie would pull my skin tight if I so much as dared to think about another woman! You have a secret admirer? And you thought it was me?"

"Dawn said.....hold on, you're dating Sophie?"

"Ever since the party....love at first sight...you know how it is - can't fight destiny. Dawn's a sweet kid and we're pretty good pals, so maybe whatever she said was just wishful thinking?"

"That must be it.....sorry to have bothered you."

"Don't be silly, nothing to apologize for. You have a real good day Buffy."

"Yeah..." She turned and walked back down the hall of his apartment building, too embarrassed to think she could ever look Clem in the eye again. He shut the door and let out a sigh of relief, slumping against the wood. Spike emerged from the other room playing with the small kitten he held in his in his hand, it was from the other night's poker winnings.

"How long you gonna keep this up?" Clem inquired. Spike continued his mock battled with the feline, letting its paws bat at his fingers. He looked at Clem with a mischievous grin.

"You think the Slayer would like herself a kitty cat?"

Chapter 5

The rain had not let up all day and after nightfall it only seemed to get worse. Buffy and Dawn had shared dinner, with the younger of them telling of her insane day on the job. The rain had driven everyone inside and that meant a very busy day at the mall. To compound matters now, this night's patrol was going down in the record books as possibly the most miserable ever. The rain was positively torrential, the jacket Buffy wore was wholely inadequate and to top it off she hadn't seen a single vampire."Guess I'm the only one stupid enough to be out on a night like this." She broken into a run, heading for Spike's crypt, but along the way she got her foot stuck in a sink hole and fell into a pile of mud."Typical." When she finally reached her safe haven she looked and felt like a drowned rat. She was soaked through to the bone, shivering and on the verge of tears. She had the corner market on self pity. Buffy burst inside just as if Spike would have been waiting for her. As it was she stood there shocked to find many of her candles illuminated and the interior bathed in a soft amber hue.

Her slayer senses immediately alerted he to the presence of vampires. Six snarling and feral faces emerged from the shadows and advanced on her. With a stake in hand, Buffy engaged the first of them, giving it a few quick jabs and then strong left cross before giving him a stake to the heart. The others did not proved to be so easy to combat. Her strikes were hard, but misguided as she defended herself against all five at once. She managed to stake three within the melee, but the remaining two were very large and stronger than she'd expected.

Somehow her feet got kicked out from under and she landed flat on her back. Before she could recover the vampire had climbed on top of her with every intention of making a meal of her. However just as the reality of her peril sunk in he'd suddenly exploded into dust. The last vampire was no where in sight, and as the cloud of vampire remains settled a black clad figure with platinum blond hair loomed above her.

"Spike," she whispered, almost too overcome from seeing him standing there with a stake in hand and the familiar look of love on his face,"You're home." He offered her his hand, but she didn't react.

"You're alright, love? You're not 'urt are you?" He knelt down next to her, a slight smile playing at the corners of his mouth,"Buffy?"

"I...." her voice caught in her throat, then it came out with a sneeze. Almost instantaneously Spike had her by the shoulders and was lifting her to her feet. He guided her over to the cozy corner she had made for herself and bundled her up in the blanket.

"You shouldn't be out on a night like this, love. No vampires about, they'll have all gone inside or underground. Bloody rotten all this rain, makes me think I was back in merry olde England."

"Is that where you were?"

"No, pet...somewhere alot farther away, but I'm back now."

"Didn't think you were ever coming back."

"'M not surprised, considering how bad we left things....but I couldn't stay away for good....I made promises, and I never go back on m'word. So here I am and just in the nick of time I reckon, by the looks of things."

"I could have handled it."

"I know, Slayer, but I've always got your back."

"Yeah..." She fell in silence, staring down at the floor. She wasn't prepared for this moment, not by a long shot. Part of her wanted just to hold him to make sure he was real; while the other wanted to scream at him for being such a son of a bitch for leaving when he did, especially with so many unresolved issues between them.

"Buffy what happened between us right before I left...the very reason I left...." Suddenly Buffy was on her feet, the blanket tossed aside.

"I can't do this, not tonight...."

"Love..."

"Don't call me that! What is wrong with you? You disappear for months and then just waltz back into my live acting like a big hero......and.....and..."

"And maybe you should be getting home to the nibblet." His unwillingness to have a confrontation was even more infuriating than his sweet demeanor and the bedroom eyes he wouldn't turn off. Then in an unexpected act of chivalry he took off his heavy coat and presented it to her."To keep the rain off and the cold out."

"Spike, I can't....."

"Slayer, just take it. I'll stop by to see Dawn and retrieve it then. Go on, you need it more than I do....rain and cold don't do much to a vamp except make him grouchy." Reluctantly she accepted it and slipped her arms inside. She was practically swimming in the leather, but he was right, she needed it and she was grateful for it. She headed towards the door, but turned back for a moment to look again at his face, trying to imprint it deeper into her memory. He looked back at her in a similar manner, cocking his head to one side."I always knew you'd look beautiful in diamonds."

Chapter 6

"Dawn Summers get your ass down here now!!" Buffy shouted as soon as she stepped through the front door. Dawn emerged from the way of the kitchen. She stopped short at the sight of her sister and laughed at the drenched Slayer wearing what could only be Spike's coat.

"Is that a post reunion shag glow you've got going on?"

"Try a furious rage!"

"Oh don't get your panties in a twist.....or did he already for that for you?"

"He did nothing of the sort, nor will he be! You knew it was Spike all along and you didn't tell me!"

"Why would I? You loved all the attention having a secret admirer was giving you. I know you love everything he's given you. You never take off that necklace, or the earrings, the poetry book is on your bedside table. Admit it Buffy you missed him even more than I did. The only reason you took the coat is 'cause you knew he'd come for it."

"He helped me with some vamps and made me take the coat so I wouldn't get wet..."

"Yeah right. You're such and idiot! I can't believe you're my sister."

"Excuse me? He's stalking me again....he's sick.....twisted....."

"He was only trying to make you happy....he was only trying to tell you he still loves you. By the way, calling him names isn't working on convincing either of us."

"He doesn't know what love is, he doesn't have a soul....."

"Look in his eyes."

"What?"

"Take two seconds away from your bitching and moaning to look into his eyes and then tell me that he doesn't love you with all his heart." Buffy didn't have a convincing reply and it was clear Dawn was still Spike's champion over her's. A soft plaintiff mew came from the area at Buffy's feet and she looked down to see a very tiny orange colored kitten with blue eyes looking up at her.

"Where did.....??"

"Spike."

"Damn him....this is the last thing I need." Dawn scooped the kitten up, the creature barely filling her two hands.

"Good, because Spike didn't bring him for you, he gave him to me and brought everything else the fluffer will need. Plus, I have a job and I'll take care of him all by myself."

"We're not keeping the cat!" Dawn brought the kitten within an inch of Buffy's face and his small paw whapped at her nose, Buffy crumbled to the power of kitten cuteness.

"I've named him William."

***

Buffy had used up all the hot water getting herself warm and washing off all the mud and vampire dust. She entered her room with a towel around her body and the hair loose and freshly blow dried. When she saw Spike's coat where she'd let it fall on the floor, a sudden carnal knowing spread through her entire body. She felt a full ache of remembrance throb in her lower abdomen. She took a shaky breath and picked up the coat and let the towel fall in it's place. The leather duster wrapped around her like a cocoon, the silk interior sumptuous against her bare skin, almost as smooth as his skin. It smelled so keenly of the vampire, with his cigarettes and liquor, it made her heart thump wildly in her chest. Buffy lay on her bed, covered in his coat and thought of Spike as her hands traveled downwards on her body.

Chapter 7

Anything but the evil blood sucking fiend, think of anything but the evil bloody sucking fiend.....mmmm....sucking fiend....stop it Buffy Summers or I swear I'll take away your ice cream privileges! Buffy's internal dialogue with herself made her question her own sanity. Perhaps she'd had had another run with with Garnal gash m'whatever and didn't know it. The fiend loves you, the fiend has been wooing you like the girls in Jane Austen novels daydream about, the fiend is soft and passionate and sensitive....and.....and....you're not allowed to think about him, or touch the coat anymore or touch yourself whilst wearing the coat. That's it, not ice cream from now until eternity. Damn him. Why does he have to be so....so...so....beautiful and so sad? The pain in her leg broke her from her musings, the kitten was crawling up her leg as she sat at the kitchen island.

"Claws! William..." Buffy reached down and took the kitten by the scruff of her neck and placed him in front of her on the counter. The kitten scrutinized her with a curiosity exactly like Spike's,"William.....it's not fair you know? I was well and truly prepared to never see that stupid vampire again. I can't even talk to him, we used to be able to talk, I miss the talking. How do I tell him I'm sorry for how we left things? How do I tell him that I don't blame him? How do I tell him....can we talk, William?" The kitten meowed and swatted at her moving lips. Buffy giggled and kissed the paw,"I'll take that as a yes. How do I tell Spike that I think I want to....try? I want things be uncomplicated, but we can never be uncomplicated. I want fun, I want the roses and the diamonds.....I don't want the moral dilemmas, I don't want the one-upmanship game, I want......who am I kidding William? I want to be in love...I'm lonely and I'm scared and he's back in my life. God I'm so miserable...." Her forehead hit the counter and the kitten jumped, but came back to play with her hair.

"Morning Buffy!" Dawn said brightly as she came into the kitchen, picking up William and nuzzling his face,"There's my pretty boy!"

"Don't let Spike hear him calling you that." Buffy's head rose from the counter and she made a face as the rain continued to pound against the house."God, is it ever going to quit out there? Main Street's probably a river by now."

"The news on my radio this morning said we were in for a real deluge...rain, rain, rain for days.....yuck. I heard it rains 300 days a year in British Columbia....god that would suck."

"I hear yah. Working today?"

"Not till the afternoon, I called Spike at Clem's and he's gonna drive me so I don't have to walk in the rain."

"C..Clem's? Spike's staying with Clem?"

"Yeah.....Clem's generous like that, give you the shirt off his back kinda guy. Let Spike take William from his poker winnings even!"

"Oh god...." Buffy's head hit the counter again.

"Something wrong sister dear?"

"You're evil.....you set me up!"

"I did, didn't I? You deserved it. Are you really going to keep this act up?" Dawn replaced William in front of Buffy and went to open a can of cat food for him.

"What act?" She raised her head and reached out to scratch under the kitten's chin.

"Buffy, you know what I'm talking about. Your friends have tried to set you up with guys, you turn them all down. You never flirt or even look at other guys at the Bronze. It been that way all summer, I know you still go to the crypt, and you also smell of alcohol, cigarettes and leather - you slept in the coat." Dawn put the food in front of William and he snarled and began to devour it."And you love his kitten." Buffy held in a laugh, but her smile was evident.

"I don't know if we can work out, there's so much pain between us.....so much abuse...anger..."

"On your part...what about him?"

"Blind faith, abeyance and sensitivity."

"You don't have to sleep with him, you don't even have to kiss him, you can just hang out and talk. You did that when you first came back - wasn't that what lead to sleeping with him? Maybe you'll learn a few things about him, a few things you never knew were there. Maybe you'll remember that you actually really like him."

"What about trusting him? How can I let myself be with someone who is fundamentally a demon?"

"Maybe that's where you should start, have it out with him, get it out of your system - have the 'you're a demon' and 'I'm a human' talk....interacial relationships are widely accepted you know."

"When on Earth did you grow up? It spooks me."

"When you started acting like a child. It's been tough without him."

"Yeah."

"So, suck it up Summers....when he comes for his coat, under the guise of seeing me, be nice."

"I'm nice."

"Not to him you're not. William doesn't approve, he loves his daddy."

"I can't believe you named the cat William."

Chapter 8

Buffy had decided patrolling was be a colossal waste of time, Spike was right, the only demons out there to slay at this point would be amphibious and she wasn't in the mood for fishy frog creatures. Instead she busied herself for when Spike would bring Dawn home from her work. She stood in front of the mirror questioning her outfit. This was the forth and she hoped last; the wet weather had pushed the summer warmth aside and the house was chilly. The kitten was curled up on Buffy's pillow, it's nose snuggled against Mr. Gordo. She adored the little orange fuzz ball, he was so cute and innocent and everything he did, including the love bites endeared her to him. The real kicker was that he reminded her Spike - mischievous, fierce, but also in search of unconditional love and so willing to give it in return. Satisfied that a pair of black slacks and a burgundy t-shirt with a low scooping neck was tasteful yet alluring she left William to his nap and went downstairs to start dinner.

Buffy hummed to herself a tune she didn't know the name of, but the song had come into her heart nonetheless. Cooking had once been as terrifying to her as taking on The Master or Glory; but now she loved it, in fact she was very comfortable in her role as homemaker/Slayer. Not having to worry over money was an immense relief, leaving her to grow into herself when not actively fighting the forces of darkness. So as she often did, Buffy was making dinner and enjoying it. Chilies Rellenos were on the menu tonight, something spicy that would hopefully entice Spike to stay for dinner. As she fried the chilies and made the egg mixture her mind waffled back and forth between wanting a real relationship with Spike and pushing him away, out of her life. She was petrified of him being a vampire, Dawn was right, that was the one thing she couldn't reconcile. But she'd done it so easily with Angel, why couldn't she with Spike? When she tallied the race between their acts of goodness, the blond one was way ahead. Especially in the sub-category of selfless acts of Buffy-happifying. Once dinner was in the oven she found herself once again in front of the mirror, making sure the diamonds on her ears with shimmering and the silver pendant laying down to her cleavage.

The long missed sound of the DeSoto's roaring motor was heard in the driveway, even over the raindrops beating upon the roof. Buffy made sure she was in the middle of setting three places at the table, so he could see she was serious, yet casual; playing games like this with Spike was always precarious. Dawn and Spike burst through the front door and shut it equally as fast as a gust of wind brought in copious amounts of water. The two of them were huddled under the umbrella as well as a blanket,"Bloody hell!" Spike exclaimed, tossing off the drenched fabric,"Where's the ark being built, I wanna get on!"

"Hello Spike," said Buffy from his right and he turned to see her smile and the simple picture of her in a good mood did things to his soul that he wished he could bottle and keep for when the world was kicking him down again.

"Buffy....hi..." he stumbled over the words, returning her smile."Um....brought the bit home safe n' sound, though we did sort of surfed most of the way, I'll be glad to get the coat back, the rain's 'orrible." Dawn gave Buffy a wink and carried on upstairs.

"Do you have to rush off? I thought maybe...maybe...."

"Yeah?"

"I made Mexican food....spicy, how you like it...I thought you'd maybe like to stay for dinner."

"Me?"

"Have a seat at the table, Spike." She brushed past him, giving him a little push towards the dining room. This left Spike feeling like he was walking on the moon, weightless and one hop away from drifting off into the sun. He took a seat in front of a place setting and waited for a second before letting out a sharp uncontrolled leap of his voice.

"I'll be damned...bloody diamonds n' roses worked!" he added afterwards to himself. Dawn came back downstairs minutes later, just as Buffy was setting the casserole on the table. Buffy went back to the kitchen for drinks, giving Dawn just enough time to give Spike a wide toothy grin that served to both confuse and intrigue the vampire. Buffy returned and set a cold beer in front of him.

"That's the kind you like, right? I wasn't sure," Buffy spoke as she poured white grape juice for herself and Dawn from a pitcher.

"Yes....it's marvelous, love....um.....can I ask something? I'm not trying to make trouble..."

"Go ahead."

"Why have I been invited to dinner? Last night you didn't seem too happy to see me." Buffy scooped a large stuffed chili pepper from the pan and put it on his plate.

"We'll talk.....later...eat up."

Chapter 9

Dawn excused herself after helping with the dishes, giving Buffy and Spike some privacy. She did feel sympathy for her best friend, knowing the plethora of issues Buffy was probably going to hit him with. In the same token he'd probably be elated just to spend the hours in her presence. Buffy had followed Dawn upstairs shortly after and returned with his coat, laying over the side of an armchair before sitting down next to him on the couch, keeping a respectable distance between them.

"What do I have the sneaking suspicion that there's something going here, Slayer?" Spike asked, relaxing into the cushions, Buffy taking a quick chance to observe how his taut muscles rippled under his t-shirt. Spike saw her skin flush and smiled appreciatively at her, noting that she still wore his gifts.

"There is....and the food and beer was just a way to get you to stick around....I want us to talk, a talk we need to have...about the night before you left...our misunderstanding....." Spike darkened, and his body became tense, eyes falling to floor. His jaw tightened and he wanted to be the first to speak about it, to ask for forgiveness, but when he opened his mouth his voice was gone. Buffy curled her legs up under her and hugged herself, feeling equally as apprehensive."I don't think you ever knew this, why would you? But when I was in high school, it was after I'd been with Angel and before you and I made our truce, a boy tried to.....well, if I wasn't the Slayer he probably could have r...raped me..." Spike's head shot up and eyes were wide with shock, he never would have imagined such as thing had already happened to her."As it was I broke his nose." Spike grinned a little, that was his Buffy."But for a split second there I forgot I was the Slayer, and I was just a little girl, just like Dawn and I was terrified, felt it right in the pit of my stomach."

"Buffy...." he barely got her name out before his voice disappeared again. He leaned forward, resting his chin in his hands, rubbing his face and trying desperately not to break apart in front of her. The soul was working overtime on his guilt.

"Things got scary that night....and I'm sorry, I felt like I did in high school - but - I don't blame you." He stared straight ahead, his cheekbones sharp and pronounced as he clenched his jaw. He chest ached something fierce and his throat burned, a thin stream of tears had trailed down his face. The soul again.

"You should blame me," he whispered,"I'm a monster, you can't forget that."

"You're a vampire, I'll never forget that....but I don't believe you're a monster, not anymore. You have a demon inside you and can only pretend to understand that, but I think I do - because there's a bit on one in me too. Not literally, but I have a dark side, I can accept that now. Using you for sex was wrong, beating on you was wrong, and that's what got us to the breaking point. I'm sorry for everything, Spike." He didn't move a muscle, but the tears kept coming, she had no idea vampires could cry like this. She touched him and he flinched, she drew her hand back and waited for his reply.

"Don't say you're sorry."

"But I am."

"NO! Buffy.....damn it....I almost raped you! God, I hate that word...hate even the bloody word....I never thought that was me, even with the demon inside - Angelus did it all the time, but I told myself that it was beneath me....I never thought I'd......"

"You didn't."

"Don't do this....don't.....I...I.....I loved you, I worshiped you and I did something unforgivable! I thought I could come back into your life, make a little romance with gifts and poetry.....but bloody hell, I didn't get it! I do now....I never wanted to feel like this, never wanted to love someone so much that I could lose myself. Drusilla made me, but I always stood on my own...but with you it was different. I thought you'd made me into a new man, a good man....but I was wrong, you kept telling me I couldn't rise above it....and now I understand that it was true..."

"It's not true."

"It is true! If it's not true then why did I 'urt you? Why did I hurt you? Why did you let me hurt you?" He was shaking now, crying and shaking. He'd broken down and he couldn't have helped himself if he tried. Damn the soul. Buffy leaned against him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder.

"I forgive you."

"Don't forgive me, I can't be for...."

"Too late, I already have...it's in the past....it's all in the past."

"What are you telling me?"

"I'm living in the now and hoping for a future. With you."

Chapter 10

"Buffy?" She brushed away his tears with her finger tips and smiled at him, her eyes moist and tremulous.

"I had a long talk with Dawn today. She made me see a few truths. You're a vampire, I'm the Slayer....this is supposed to be wrong, we should never have gotten together in the first place, etc. etc. That's what Giles would say, that's what Xander would say...that's what I would say. Spike, I have to take responsibility for our past, I believe that I've grown and I can see that we're really equals, in every way. We make mistakes, we're blind, we're dark...but we're also brave, and fierce and strong. Dawn dropped an anvil on me earlier; I've missed you, I missed how we used to talk, how sometimes we were good to each other. How sometimes we were beautiful together. I'm taking a leapt of faith. It's hard for sure, but I can't go into denial mode, or limbo mode, that's no way to live. This summer I've been living, I've gone back to who I was in the beginning - full of fire. A girl who isn't messed up in the head or playing cruel games with people. I loved that girl and I'm glad she's back, but she's lonely."

"Lonely for me? Am I hearing you right? You're choosing me? Even after how ugly it got? You don't see that night playing over in your mind when you look at me?"

"Um....yes, yes, yes, yes and no. Hey, life's certainly more interesting with you around, I'll give you that. I want to take things slowly..."

"But there'll be the taking of things, pet?"

"There will." He was relaxing, tension dissipating to parts unknown."I don't have a safety net with you, Spike...."

"You won't need one, love....I won't disappoint you, never again, I know how this time, promise I do....just give me a chance."

"I'm giving you a chance, because I think I want to try and trust you now - I know what that means to you. You showed remorse that night, you hated yourself. I saw it then, but the wounds were too fresh to acknowledge it. I want a clean slate, give me a chance too?"

"In a bloody heartbeat!"

"When's the next one coming....'cause you know, it's been a while for you..."

"Very funny, Slayer. I can't believe this is suddenly m'life....I'm dating you Buffy....can you bloody believe that?" He smiled and his eyes practically sparkled.

"And look at me, 'cause you know......vampire boyfriend, but strangely normal feeling....we're so screwed up it's not even funny."

"But at least we're screwed up together, right?"

"Right."

"I'm liking the new you, pet, must admit. "

"I do to.....I'm very phoenixy, risen from the ashes kinda girl - I like the new you. It's been hard, really hard....I still really miss Tara."

"Where'd she go?"

"What?!"

"You miss Tara...where'd she go?"

"Dawn didn't tell you?"

"I guess not, we haven't really spent much time together outside of her helpin' me with the presents n' stuff. Clem never mentioned, mind you I've only been at his place for week......spent most of my time just doing the stuff for you, haven't cared much for hooking up with ther others, I think you can understand why. I don't think I'd be welcomed back with open arms. The Wiccan take off back 'ome? She n' Red couldn't work things out?"

"Oh Spike...."

The telling of the 147 days Spike had been gone from Sunnydale was both the most difficult as well as cathartic experience Buffy had labored through in a long time, not since she'd smashed the Master's bones. He listened in silence the entire time as he learned of her latest near death experience, the fate of the young Wiccan, the dissension of Willow, the culmination and the near destruction of the world. They'd reclined on the couch somewhere in the middle of the story, and by the end of the story she'd inched closer to him. It began as a quiet, soft brush of their lips, but it quickly escalated. It seemed as if they'd been sharing kisses for hours. Wildly passionate, deeply tender and sweetly teasing kisses that made Buffy's spine melt. Kisses that washed away pain, bad memories, sad lowly times.

Sometimes, as they were proving, just the kissing was more than enough to tell a person how you felt about them. Sometimes kissing was even more erotic than getting naked and reconnecting, literally. They could kiss each other for days and never come up for air, and never want to. She'd been running her hands through his hair, messing it in the most embarrassing way, while his hands worked over the muscles of her back. Her lips were parched and sore, but wet from his mouth and warm from the pressure. As for her tongue, she was certain once she stopped she wouldn't be able to use it for talking. None of that mattered of course, because he was home, he was touching her in a beautiful way and he loved her.

Buffy heard a sound like an electrical surge thrum in the air, and then suddenly the power went out and they were plunged into blackness and silence. The of white noise from the appliances and the complete lack of light drew them both away from each other."Damn," Buffy muttered.

"Don't worry, pet, it'll come back on....wind probably brought a line down.....more kissing please....." She found the sweet tone of his request highly amusing and obliged, but only for a moment, when she thought she was hearing new sounds that only the silence revealed.

"What was that?" Spike sighed and released his hands from her.

"Your mind playing tricks on you....kiss me."

"Spike, wait....there could be something lurking out there."

"Love, the only thing that lurks around your house is me, and I'm right in front of you and I want more lips." She started to do as he asked, but her head snapped away when she heard her noise again.

"There's definitely something out there..." He let go of her and got to his feet."Spike?"

"I'll go give the place a look 'round."

"No, don't go out, the rain's coming down really hard, you'll get soaked....I'm sure it's nothing..."

"You're not used to this kind of weather, makes the world seem chaotic...I'm fairly certain there's nothing goin' on out there besides an impending apocalypse......big bloody deal."

"Yeah, you're probably right....about the rain, not the apocalypse." She suddenly yawned and Spike looked over her lithe body as she stretched it out.

"I should be heading out anyways, love."

"Why?"

"Tempation...you can only dangle the apple in front of me so long before I want a bite. Um....bad choice of words, sorry. I'm still trying at being the gentleman, you know? Wh...why don't I come by tomorrow night?"

"Or you could sleep on the couch?" He raised an eyebrow to her and even in the dark she saw it."The weather's bad, maybe even dangerous..."

"I've been in hurricanes, sweetheart."

"And maybe there's really something outside and I'm feeling all girly and want a man in the house."

"That's a fib."

"Fine....I want you to stay because it's been so long since I've seen you and I don't want to go to bed with you yet, but I don't want you to go either....okay?"

"Okay, love."

***

Buffy listened to the upheaval outside for hours, the rain was coming down in sheets and the wind had begun to howl. She was used to clear, balmy nights that lulled her, not this meteorological mayhem. Tossing her resolve out the proverbial window she snuck back downstairs to check on Spike, just in case he too was unable to sleep. She admitted disappointment to herself to when she found him sound asleep. He looked truly beautiful and peaceful, illuminated by the sole lit candle she held. The shadows draped over his face, his cheekbones seeming more pronounced, deeper and his body longer somehow. There was goodness in this man and she saw it clearly for the first time just then. She blew out the small votive and picked up the blanket that was near the front door. She made sure it was dry before covering him with it. As she continued to look upon him she felt the kitten winding between her ankles."Hello, sweet William, come to see him? He saved you didn't he? Why don't you keep him warm tonight?" She picked up the orange furred creature and set him gently on Spike's chest. William curled under the vampire's chin and immediately fell asleep."Don't get too comfy, kitty, 'cause one night that's gonna be my spot."

Chapter 11

Xander walked in through the back door of the Summer's home under the protective cover of an over sized umbrella. He shook himself off like a dog and tossed the soaked umbrella at the door after closing it."Too much more of this and my webbed toes might actually be a blessing," he muttered to himself. He tossed the box of salvageable doughnuts he'd brought with him onto the counter and looked about the house. He noticed their power was out, as was most of Sunnydale's that morning."Buff? Dawnster?! Rise n' shine!" He walked from the kitchen, keeping his ear open for any sign they were up, but there was nothing. He was about to go back out and leave them to sleep in when he noticed there was someone sleeping on the couch. Moments later he stood over Spike, unfettered rage slowly climbing from the pit of his guts until it would explode from him, just as Spike would when he became dust.

Walking to Buffy's weapon's chest, the one he so lovingly had made for her, he opened it and withdrew a stake. His manner was casual, cold, but there was no lacking for emotion. Spike had been the bane of his existence since he'd first come to town. He lost Cordelia because of him; then Anya, especially Anya; and now the vampire was back at making himself at home where he didn't belong. In Xander's mind Spike only caused pain and suffering to the people he cared about and if he could save Buffy and Dawn from the misery he would do it.

William awoke, innocently still curled under Spike's chin, it was definitely a comfortable place and the vampire hadn't moved all night, unlike Dawn or Buffy that constantly rolled around and disturbed his sleep. The kitten yawned and was about to snuggled in deeper to return to slumber when he sensed danger. Acting purely on instinct William dug his claws into Spike's chest and hissed violently. It was enough to stall Xander and to wake Spike. The cat leapt off and Spike bolted from the couch and away from the impending staking."Bloody hell, you stupid pillock!" he shouted, taking an automatic defensive stance. Xander wagged a finger at him, his entire body shaking with anger.

"You shouldn't have come back here."

"Yeah, well, you don't get a say in my life, boy."

"But I will in your death!" With that comment spat from his lips, Xander lunged at Spike, only to be pushed back off his feet. Disorientated, but operating on a surge of adrenaline, Xander was back on his feet and coming for the vampire again. Spike danced around Xander's clumsy jabs, feeling back on his game since he couldn't remember when, suddenly enjoying the morning's spot of violence. Where Xander Harris was concerned Spike thought he'd earned it.

"You know something, whelp, I owe you a few things..."

"Shut up!"

"Because of you I decided to make some changes in my life....you helped me see it."

"I thought I told you to shut up!"

"Make me. Come on, you pathetic wanker, give me your best." Xander rushed him and pushed him hard against the wall at the bottom of the stairs and the pressed the stake to his heart, holding his arm across Spike's throat."One thing about you that I could always count on..."

"What's that?"

"If you had any brains that chunk of wood be through my heart already.....thanks for that, I love the build up...."

"Build up to what?" Spike grinned, the demon's yellow creeping into the corners of his blue eyes.

"To this." Spike's fist came between them in a rocket of an uppercut, sending Xander flying. He lay back in the living room, conscious, dazed and shaken with the realization that Spike was laughing his ass off instead of howling in pain. Thundering footsteps were heard upstairs and Spike silenced himself, Dawn and Buffy rushing down seconds later.

"What happened!?" Buffy cried, stopping at Spike and grasping his forearm, then noticing Xander still on the living room floor rubbing his jaw."Xander?"

"He tried to stake William. I stopped him," Spike offered, quite proudly. By now the kitten had returned to the battle field and Spike bent down to take the kitten in his hands."Harris was gonna stake me, love, but our fuzzball woke your dear vampire up just in time." He passed the kitten to Dawn and gave him a scruffle behind his ears in thanks.

"Does this mean I can go back to bed? Crisis averted?" Dawn asked.

"Go on, nibblet, no worries 'ere, right Xan-man?" Spike added on a smirk to his condescending tone, Dawn however was already gone.

"Spike, what happened?" Buffy asked. By now Xander was on his feet, his anger not having dissipated in the least.

"I told you, I was asleep, he tried to dust me...the kitten woke me just as the thing was coming down."

"Buffy, explain to me what's going on here," Xander demanded. She looked back and forth between the two of them and heaved a sigh.

"I so don't need this right now. Xander, I told you about all the gifts I was getting, turns out it was Spike all along."

"So, he's stalking you again, great."

"He's not stalking me....he's.....I don't know what he is, but I want him around."

"Are you out of your mind?!"

"If I am, Spike's coming along for the ride."

"What is it with you and him...after everything he's done to you....for God sake's Buffy he almost raped you...." Spike's arm vibrated under her touch, but when she looked him she knew it wasn't because he hated Xander for pointing out his failing, but instead because it evidently brought up their discussion from the night before. Spike's jaw was set again, stern and painful, he swallowed hard and his adam's apple looked like a boulder in his throat.

"Xander...that's between me and Spike and no one else..."

"He hit me! Buffy.....god, I just realized...the chip...the chip didn't stop him!"

Chapter 12

Buffy turned to Spike with the look of shock and horror he'd have expected from her being told this way, he'd hoped for a little understanding from her, especially after last night. No, she was livid, frightened, everything he didn't want her to be. He'd wanted to earn her trust and then tell her as proof of his change, now she'd only see that he'd lied to her. She'd stopped touching him, her hand had fell away and with what little hope he'd been clinging to. He looked at Xander, bruise forming on his jaw, smug satisfied look on his face. Spike huffed and looked sky ward, half hoping lightening would strike and save him the trouble.

"You ever get tired of being a total bastard Harris?" He turned to Buffy and tried to look as innocent as possible,"I was gonna tell you, love....it was on my list."

"You have a list?" she replied with disgust laced over the words.

"Yeah....roses, poetry, diamonds, dinner, heart to heart chat, snogging, kitten cuddling, tell Buffy I got the chip out.....and punch out the whelp for being a total bastard."

"Buffy.....kill him now...." Xander pleaded.

"Xander be quiet...." Buffy admonished,"Spike....get.....get out." He was expecting it, but it still hurt when it came. He picked up his coat from over the other room and slipped it on, he turned to her, making sure she'd see the hurt in his eyes and hopefully something else.

"You sure do run hot and cold, don't you? I thought your head was clear, you said it was," he spoke in calm voice,"You think kicking me out again's gonna make you happy? We know better. You have no idea how good I could be for you, not a bloody clue and you you're too much of a coward to even try.You think that last night before I left was the lowest we ever got? It's right now, Buffy. What we could be to each other...how much love we could give..." Xander snorted and stormed over to Buffy, grabbing her hand and shoving the stake into it.

"Do it now, Buff, stop this insanity now!" he urged. Spike ignored the other man and looked at Buffy, piercing her eyes with his.

"Can you see it, love? Can you see how much I love you? Can you see what I did for you?" Buffy made a face of confusion and tried to interpret what he meant. She wanted to run from him, but something in his eyes wouldn't let her look away. Something behind the blue was calling out to her to be noticed and when she finally did it she tore apart at the seams. The stake fell to the floor with a hard din. She raised her shaking hand to touch him, but could not quite bring herself to do it. Spike closed his eyes, breaking the spell that held them. He pulled the coat up tight, then walked out the front door into the rain. For a second Buffy panicked, it was the day after all, and ran after him, but stopped at the edge of the porch. There was no sunlight to burn him with, so instead she watched as his car left her driveway and raced down the street.

"Buffy?" Xander asked, placing a hand on her shoulder. She pulled away and ran upstairs, leaving Xander even more bewildered. A while later Dawn found her sister curled up in a fetal little ball on her bed, clutching Mr. Gordo to her chest and sobbing. Dawn lay down next to her and wrapped her arms around her older sister, hugging her close.

"I'll be okay, Buffy," Dawn whispered.

"He's gone....." Buffy choked out,"He's gone again."

"No he isn't, he promised he'd never leave again."

"But I made him....I kicked him out...he won't come back....Xander, he...."

"Stop listening to Xander, he's just angry 'cause of what happened with Anya. Xander doesn't know Spike like we do."

"Spike said I was a coward....why can't I just make it right for once? Why can't we stop hurting each other?"

"'Cause you're both very stupid, how many times do I have to tell you that?" Buffy let out a little laugh."Spike loves you...you just have to believe in that..."

"I do...Dawn, you know what he did for me?"

"Yeah, I know....and he had to fight for it, he almost didn't make it, but he gets to keep it forever.....he never once thought about giving in.....that's how much he loves you. Don't you think it's time you showed him the same?"

"You think he'll still love me even when he finds out I'm an idiot?"

"I think he already knows....besides, he's an idiot and we still love him."

Chapter 13

Spike drove around Sunnydale with no clear sense of where he was going, he simply needed to feel the movement, if he stopped he'd probably go ballistic. Once again his well intentioned plans had blow up in his face, thanks to Xander Harris, for the most part at any rate. At least Spike had the satisfaction of having punched him out to carry him through. He wasn't morbidly upset over what happened with Buffy, he understood both her predicament and her apprehension. It still hurt a great deal, there was no getting around that. Just once he'd like for her to make it clear to someone besides Dawn that he was important. The pesky soul was telling him he needed validation, someone who understood him. As if heralded by a host of angels, he found himself just passing the Magic Box. Time to check up on Demon Girl, heaven help her if she's hooked up with the cream puff again.

He pulled the DeSoto in behind the building and took a fortifying swing of bourbon from his flask, just to take the edge off. Seeing Anya again was actually going to be a delight, he liked her, and not just because they'd shagged. That time was actually a bit of a blight on his history. Only because it had served no real purpose but for the two of them to drown their mutual sorrows. At the time they'd been okay with each other afterwards. He hoped she didn't think badly of him. On the other hand, that night had also set in motion the chain of events that lead him to who he was now. It may have taken him a little while to get used to it, but the soul felt at home now. His emotions went for a bit of a tailspin, but the thoughts he had now , the things he imagined, the calm and goodness he felt inside - he wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.

He pulled his coat up again and made a mad dash for the back entrance, trying to not get soaked again. He entered the training room, it hadn't changed in the least. Spike looked around for a time, but his attention was diverted by a long moan coming from upstairs. Spike knew that moan, he'd made her moan like that before. He perked his vampire hearing and detected the sounds from coming upstairs. He climbed the stairs carefully, waiting for it.

"Oh Rupert!!!!" she cried.

"Rupert!? Bloody hell!" Spike uttered to himself,"She's done the Scooby men! Better not have any designs on the birds....Slayer's mine!" He took the rest of the stairs two at a time, then snuck the door open and peaked around the corner to spy Anya and Giles engaging in a little pre-start of the business day activity. He crossed the floor of the store over to the counter and hopped up. Casually pulling a cigarette from inside his coat and lighting it, watching and highly amused as they basked in their afterglow."Must say, Anya, your taste in men continues to improve." The lovers shot up with a jolt, Giles frantically grabbing to pull up his pants and Anya quite casually adjusting her own, sliding her panties back up her legs."Giles you randy old dog!"

"Spike!? My god have you no decency?"Giles exclaimed.

"Very little. Neither do you, obviously."

"Respecting other people's privacy?!" the former Watcher exclaimed, nervously stuffing his shirt into his pants. Anya patted his shoulder.

"Be nice, Rupie, he paid you a compliment somewhere in there," Anya cajoled.

"You've managed to keep your tie straight, guess some things will never change, eh? Hello Anyanka, pet, you look ravishing as ever...thought I'd pop in before you opened shop, let you know I was back in town. Keeping well I see?"

"Very well, and yourself?"

"Can't complain....well, yes I can, but I won't - ran into your former earlier, he tried to stake me."

"Capital idea," said Giles. Anya gave him a scolding glare.

"Figures...want a wish?" she offered, but he knew she was only joking.

"Ta, but no thanks, love, I'm through with causing damage...I'll settle for gettin' my kicks by embarrassing the hell out of the fidgety git in the corner. So....shaggin' Giles, I always knew you two would get it on one day."

"I'm not just shagging him, Spike, I'm dating him....I've fallen in love with him."

"Have you now? Good on you."

"Have you seen Buffy?"

"I have...complicated."

"Spike...what are you doing back in Sunnydale? And when are you leaving again?" Giles inquired, finally back to his old stuffy self.

"Hate to disappoint, Rupie, but I'm here for good. Or until the Slayer stakes me, which I don't think'll occur now. Got m'self a lil' insurance on that score."

"Indeed."

"Tell me what you think? Is it my color? Fits lovely." He jumped off the counter and twirled himself around.

"What? Spike I...oh good god you have a soul....well doesn't that just take the cake?"

"Thank you! Bloody well though you'd notice....what does it take for that woman to wake the hell up to me? Sure she'll spend two hours snogging with me till my lips bleed....but suss out I'm ensouled.....nooooooooo...have to break through those barriers o' her's with a bloomin' sledgehammer. Oh yes, the chip's out."

"So that's the sort of day I'm going to have.....brilliant. Bloody hell..."

"That's my line."

"Buffy knows this?!"

"She does....but, well...I'm kinda tired of getting my heart stomped on...and I don't mind sharing that I'm a little sick of all this bloody drama....fancy a pint? I'm buying? Somewhere with atmosphere...hash smoke in the air and the Who playing in the background?"

"Spike it's not even 9am!"

"Oh go on, Rupert, you know you want to," Anya prodded.

Chapter 14

"The Sarlaak?! That's impossible, he's only a myth!" Giles protested as he sat across the table in a booth at Willy's, the only bar open at that time of the morning that had even a remote bit of what Spike was looking for, as it was the Doors were blaring in the background.

"Yeah, sure he is, I got my soul restored in Cleveland by the owner of a mystic bowling alley. I went to Sarlaak n' faced his stupid bloody trials and now I have a sodding conscience and a whole heap of hurt thanks to the Slayer."

"How on Earth did you make it through his tests, the legends speak of insurmountable challenges..."

'Cause I'm a tough son of a bitch, bloody smart one too.....wasn't too hard - except the math, bloody suck at mathematics. I did get hitched on one of the essay questions, but I bullshit m'way through it well enough."

"He made you take the SATs?" Spike rolled his eyes and took a long, healthy gulp from his beer.

"Not you gimboid. Fire and brimstone, acts of cunning, ancient puzzles and mazes, terrific beasts, philosophical debates, whole nine yards. In the end he put his hand into my chest and *boom*....chip gone, soul back. It was euphoric...hurt like a mofo. I suppose you'll want me to write out some sort of detailed report on this?"

"Would you? That would be most fascinating...." Spike gave him a look belying his last statement,"Fine, but we'll be having another discussion and I won't let you get out of it. This is....this.....do you even realize how unique you are?"

"Not that unique, mustn't forget Peaches n' all his specialness....bloody poofter....I can just see him now, he'll go into an uber-brood now that he's not the only one."

"Spike, you're the only vampire, demon, to actually seek out and earn a soul...that's remarkable. I have a new respect for you. And I always preferred you to Angel under any circumstance, bloody Irish." Spike chuckled, he'd certainly come back to a different Rupert Giles.

"I hear yah. You still hate m'guts though, right?"

"Well, of course I do, prat, you slept with Buffy." Spike smirked, Buffy had surprised him once again."She did tell me, without graphic details, of your....uh.....relationship...all of your relationship from beginning to end. She also told me of her remorse over how she'd used you, as well as how things had been left between you."

"We already talked....but then...."

"You bollocksed it up? Typical."

"Terrific, now you're takin' the mickey outta me? Someone stake me."

"I don't think Buffy would approve. Despite all odds she does seem to care for you. It's not exactly easy to love a demon, you know....give it time."

"Anya impart all the key information to you?"

"About your drunken tryst? It's in the past, for all of us. I quite taken with her you know? I never had the liberty to consider her before, then Xander of course became a total bastard....Anya and I came together shortly after what occurred with Willow, we fell in love. Quite remarkable, really. After that, going back to England was simply no longer and option." Spiked took up his glass and clinked it against Giles'.

"Here's to the future, Rupie."

"Git."

***

Buffy walked into the Magic Box with a certain amount of trepidation. There were a few customers scattered about while Anya attended to paper work. Buffy stayed near the door for a time, observing the demon in human form. Anya, or rather Anyanka, was very beautiful, it was no wonder Spike had been with her. Buffy mentally swallowed her jealousy, she knew she had no right to it. Anya and Spike had both been hurt by the ones they'd loved, they were drunk and needed someone to make them feel worthwhile, something Buffy herself understood. Nonetheless, it still hurt in the worst way, which made her need to find the vampire all the more urgent. The two women had managed to stay on good terms, though only saw each other sporadically. Usually whenever a crisis caused them to assemble for research.

Buffy inhaled a full breath and stepped down into the shop. Anya looked up from her work when she saw Buffy out of the corner of her eye."Morning!" Anya greeted cheerily, her smile putting the Slayer to instant ease.

"Hey....how's it going?"

"Very well, thank you. He's not here." Buffy was a little taken aback by the other woman's perception.

"I.....who?"

"Your face is an open book, Buffy. Spike's not here, but he was earlier. He's out with Giles telling him about how he got the chip out, got a soul, yadda, yadda, yadda. I was nice to see him, I was a bit concerned, but he looked well don't you think? Still profoundly sad, but at least he doesn't brood about it. For the record there is no residual affection, lust, nor animosity between us, we're friends. Does that about cover everything?" Buffy was dumbstruck, but after all this was Anya's usual manner and sometimes it was a relief.

"Yes, wow...um thank you? Was he really upset?"

"Crushed, I'd say, broken...just sad. I'm not surprised, vampires are highly emotional and sensitive creatures. It must be very difficult to go so long without being loved, and I don't mean sex. Vampires of master lines like Aurelians thrive on it, as well as the opposite. If they go too long without being cared for or appreciated they become wasteful pathetic creatures, might as well just stake them."

"Why do I get the feeling you're trying to lay the mother of all guilt trips on me?

"Because on rare occasions you can be rather perceptive. Us demons need to stick up for each other and I feel Spike and I have formed over getting our hearts ripped out and stomped on by core Scoobies."

"Yeah, I guess you do."

"Xander's a classic neomaxizoomdweebie, I prefer being loved by a person who's considerate, mature and appreciative of all my qualities, demon included - can you do the same for Spike?"

"I want to, if he'll give me another chance. That's why I need to find him."

"I'm sure Giles can help, once he gets back, he's very giving that way." As if on cue, the bell hanging at the entrance announced his return. He came straight towards the front counter, shaking the rain off his shoulders. He gave Anya a wink before turning his attentions to the Slayer.

"Ah, Buffy, this is fortuitous, I was going to call on you later today."

"Giles, where he is?" Buffy pleaded.

"Spike? Yes, well, after our talk..."

"He didn't leave town again did he?"

"No, dear, he was emphatic that he would remain in Sunnydale so long as he could be some modicum of use to you - on patrol, looking out for Dawn, as an informant..." Buffy stomped her foot and growled at her former Watcher.

"No emotional blackmail today please...I think Spike and I are on overload as it is." Giles actually smirked as he placed a loving hand on her shoulder.

"Buffy you'll see him again soon enough and then you both can set things to right....you're both very forgiving sort of people when comes to each other - it hasn't always been that way."

"No is hasn't...things have to be better now. How was he Giles?"

"One kind word from you and none of it will matter."

"Giles, you're giving us your consent? It sure sounds like it and that's not normal."

"Let's just say, I've earned a new perspective and appreciation for his kind."

Chapter 15

Giles settled himself in with organizing and taking stock of the new shipment of Zuni fetish figurines while Buffy and Anya commiserated in the back over coffee and muffins. He found it highly amusing that a 1000 year old vengeance demon was giving Buffy advice on love. His relationship with Anya remained private for the simple fact that they considered it something precious to hold close to their hearts. However now that Spike had discovered them it was doubtful it would remain a secret for much longer. A part of Giles was rather looking forward to the revelation, particularly where the cad Xander was concerned.

"Speak of the devil," he muttered to himself as Xander came into the store. There was a lull in the flow of customers, not doubt due to the rain and the store was presently empty. This meant whatever issue Xander was no doubt about to explode upon him could not be avoided.

"Giles! We've got big troubles!" Xander declared.

"Indeed, tear in your umbrella?"

"Vampire - a bleach blond, evil murdering rapist vampire. Spike's back."

"Shocking." Giles' sarcastic tone went totally unnoticed.

"I almost had him this morning....but, get this, the chip doesn't work anymore. We're all in danger now. If we get on this quickly we can track him down and stake him. Buffy can just think he skipped out again."

"Tell me one thing Xander, if the knowledge of it is within your grasp...do you ever tire of being such an ignorant bigot?"

"Say what?"

"There will be no staking of Spike or interfering with him in any way. Unless of course you no longer wish to have Buffy and Dawn in your life." Xander was stunned by Giles' defense of the vampire, he couldn't conceive of any one taking up for him.

"Are you nuts?! He's evil!"

"Hardly...not any longer at least. I spent the better part of the morning with him and I can assure you he's far from evil - I dare say I consider him quite responsible, remorseful, even noble."

"Noble? You're off your rocker. I think the fungus from some of your old book has invaded your brain...are you forgetting that he took advantage of Anya and tried to rape Buffy?" Giles slowly, cooly removed his glasses and started cleaning them with meticulous precision.

"Do not put names upon him - he did not take advantage of Anya, she told me in her own words what transpired; and as for Buffy she has made her feelings on the incident clear to me and I trust her to know what she wants and evidently it happens to be Spike afterall."

"This is insanity! Fine, if you won't do anything, then I will. Spike's as good as dust."

"Don't you dare, Xander!" Buffy exclaimed, she and Anya's attention being drawn out from the back room.

"Buffy? Damn...I...." She came out from the back room and over to him, keeping a slight distance, but looking him square in the eyes.

"Xander, you're one of my best friends and I care about you so much, but I don't care that you hate Spike. I'm telling you once and for all, don't ever try to kill him or you'll answer to me." Xander huffed and rolled his eyes.

"Hasn't living on the Hell Mouth all these years meant a thing? We kill vampires and we kill demons."

"Open your mouth a little wider Xander," Anya spoke up,"Maybe you can fit your other foot in there."

"An....I didn't mean..."

"Yes you did and it's wrong. You never used to be so bitter - wake up, Buffy's in love with Spike."

"Buffy? That true? Are you really in love with that monster, the one who almost violated you?"

"Xander," Buffy breathed out, this was her moment of truth and she wasn't going to fail Spike this time,"Yes, it's true, I love Spike and as soon as I find him I'm going to tell him." Xander nodded, a smug look of self righteousness almost painful to behold on his face. He backed away from them in dismay and left the magic shop with his head hung low.

Chapter 16

Buffy sighed and composed herself, she hated hurting Xander and she knew how skewed he must think her view on Spike was. But she also knew the things that complicated Spike, the shades of gray and the multi-layers. She knew both his beauty and his beast, she'd experienced both in their extremes, but something was different about Spike and it wasn't due entirely to the newly acquired soul. The dichotomy that had always been Spike's entire persona had somehow tempered itself, the yin and the yang had finally come together. And now the soul he'd fought so hard to gain had changed him the fundamental levels. She'd seen glimmers of it before he'd left, but now that he was home she felt it in her bones. Spike was a man she could and did love. Buffy turned back to Anya and Giles, a slight smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Thank you both for backing me up," she said,"I don't expect Spike and Xander to ever like each other, or even be civil...but they both are going to have to come to terms with how things need to be, I care for them both."

"I'm sorry Buffy but I don't think Xander will ever accept Spike," Giles said honestly.

"I know....and if I have to choose, it will be Spike."

"We know Buffy, once you have found the one you're meant to be with...it's just the way it has to be."

"I just wish I knew where he was...I need to find him."

"Before Xander does, that's for sure," said Anya. Buffy let the solemnity of Anya's words sink in, of course Xander was still going to go after Spike.

"Oh god...." Buffy gasped as she turned and ran out into the storm. Hours later night had fallen and Buffy had been running mad all over Sunnydale in search of both Spike and Xander. She'd been to every demon bar she ever knew Spike to haunt, she scoured over every inch of almost every cemetery, but to no avail. At length she returned to Spike's crypt, which was empty, even of her candles and books. She needed a rest, but she couldn't, any delay could cost her everything, but after so many hours the Slayer was utterly exhausted, hungry, soaked from the rain and the gnawing ache in her heart wouldn't cease. Eventually, after wandering some time in a daze, Buffy had a flash of deja vu. She was at the edge of Spike's cemetery, close to where the river ran through.This was also the exact spot where Katrina's body had been found.

A twig snapped behind her and Buffy whipped around into a fighting stance, stake ready. There was no light whatsoever, only pulsating beats of rain and the blackness. Relying solely on instinct Buffy advanced, keeping her heart rate steady, her mind focused. A substantial form was emerging from the bushes, ominous and.....

"Xander? Is that you?" Buffy asked, knowing her friend even in the middle of the all chaos. He found her slight frame, barely human in the drench. He came close and they huddled against a tree.

"Buffy.....what are you doing out here?"

"I'm looking for you.....and for Spike, I'm sorry....but I have to find him...before you do."

"I don't understand....I try Buffy, but I still don't. How can you love him?"

"I just do. You don't know everything, you don't know his heart....or his soul."

"He doesn't have a soul."

"Yes he does....he bargained his life with a demon, I don't know everything, but Spike won and was rewarded with his soul."

"This is just like Angel...he has a soul now, so all's forgiven now?"

"It's not that simple for me, you know me better than that. Spike and I have been pushing and pulling with each other for five years now, we didn't want this, we fought it every step of the way....but it's real, it might not be pretty, but it's real...I love him!"

"I can't accept it, Buffy....I just can't."

"Then, I'm sorry Xander....I can't be without Spike."

"You know what this means then right?"

"You're really going to walk out of my life? I love you Xander."

"And I love you too Buffy...but..." Suddenly a shrilling scream pierced through everything, electrifying the night. It was followed shortly after by a feral gurgling snarl. Buffy sensed where the danger was coming from and grabbed Xander's arm.

"This way...." Running down an embankment, Buffy and Xander came upon a pair of young teenagers trying to fight against a trio of black amphibious creatures at the riverside. They looked something like fish, but more like lizards, with tails and ridges down their backs like dragons. Xander picked up a hefty tree branch that had come down in the storm and joined Buffy in warding off the demons. As soon as attention was diverted from them, the young victims made their escape.

Buffy engaged the monsters with her classic barrage of kicks and punches. Meanwhile Xander cracked the makeshift club over the back of one monster's head. The thing of course became enraged and lunged for him. Buffy caught the exchange and went to help her friend. At the same time the demons seemed to have been called away from their fight and the two Buffy had been battling dove into the rive. The last demon abandoned Xander and went to follow the others. Before Buffy knew what was happening the demon had barelled over her and taken her into the river with him. As the creatures swam away with the current Buffy fought against it.

She hadn't realized that the once quiet stream at the graveyard's edge had been steadily rising as the rain fell incessantly. Now it was overflowing and perilously deep, it's current too strong for even the Slayer."BUFFY!!!" Xander screamed against the black of the night. He could barely make out where the shore was, let along find her.

"Xander, help!" she cried as she struggled to reach the water's edge. She continued to cry out and he followed the barely audible sound against the roar of the river until he could make out her shape within the rapids. He tried to wade out into the water, but was nearly swept away himself. His next idea was to retrieve the branch and use it to extend his reach.

"Buffy! Try and grab hold!" He stretched out as far as he possibly could, the muscles of his arm taut and burning from the strain.

"I can't reach!"

"Come on Buffy.....you can do it!" She got her second wing and started swimming with more purposeful strides. A few times the tips of her fingers touched the offshoots of the branch, but still she couldn't get a grip.

"Xander, please!!" She was panicking now, her own incredible strength was no match against the river's torrents and she was beyond exhausted. Making one last effort she lunged for the branch. She caught only air and then disappeared under the water.

Chapter 17

"Oh god no.......BUFFY?!!!?" Xander started to run, falling repeatedly on the muddy and unstable earth. All he could hear was the rushing of the river, the pouring rain and now thunder in the distance. He was already tiring from trying to keep pace with the river, but he wouldn't stop until he knew Buffy's fate. Suddenly he sensed someone running along side him and then they were running straight past him. He would have thought it was another of the demons if the lightning on the horizon hadn't illuminated the platinum hair

Diving into the frigid waters, Spike formed his body into a torpedo, catching up to Buffy in mere seconds as she struggled underwater against the river's flow. He jetted past her and then turned around and began to swim against the current. They collided and it shocked Buffy back to her senses. Spike had his arm around her waist and already was making for shore. Together they managed to fight the pull until Spike could find his footing. At that point he picked Buffy up out of the water and carried her in his arms. Placing her on a rock on the bank, he knelt in front of her, keeping her steady with his hands at her hips. Her savior checked her over for any signs of injury, but all things considered, the Slayer seemed undamaged. She was however heaving for breath and having a difficult time calming herself down. Eventually she could lock eyes with Spike and focused on him.

"You're alright, love, it's over," he spoke with a soothing tone,"Are you hurt? Did you swallow any of the river?" She shook her head just before she reached out and pulled him against her, holding him for all he was worth. Spike hugged her trembling body, totally and utterly relieved she hadn't drowned. He hadn't known why he'd been compelled to come to this obscure part of the cemetery in this dreadful weather, but he did now. After so long he knew with his body when Buffy was near, even when his mind didn't - however this time was different. He soul had never burned so hot in his body before until he'd heard her voice somewhere inside his head pleading for him to come to her. Even now as he held her the connection between them was like pure energy.

"BUFFY!!" Xander yelled as he finally caught up,"Are you okay?!" The spell was broken and Spike sighed against her neck, he stood up and took a step back from her.

"She's fine," Spike informed as he redundantly wiped the water off his face.

"Let's get you home then." Buffy agreed and got to her feet, reaching behind her for Spike to help balance her. Before the vampire clued in, Xander was already pulling her away.

"Hey! Steady on Harris, she's just been in the bloody river! Giver 'er half a second to recover you git! You think you need to get her outta my evil clutches for fast? I just saved her life!"

"Saved it so you can go back to stalking it is what you mean! I'm not gonna give you another chance to hurt her!"

"Hurt her? I love her...and the Slayer can take care of herself, always could."

"Look, you bastard, this should have ended when you left town. You do nothing but destroy lives......first Anya...."

"That's what this is about, should've bloody know...You threw here away, you didn't care that she still loved you after that, because it was all about YOU, Harris. We were drunk, we we're hurt and we were angry, it was past the point where you had a right to care! She and I may be the demons, but you humans pile more hurt on us then fangs or wish ever could. Grow the bloody hell up, stop being the whelp and be a man. That girl has moved on to someone else...she and Giles are pretty damn happy...."

"Giles?" Buffy gasped, suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle falling in place; but as usually the obvious went straight over Xander's head.

"Be a man? What kind of man are you? When the girl tells him it's over he stalks her and when she doesn't give in, he forces himself on her? Is that the kind of man I should be?" Xander said, twisting the dagger of guilt in Spike one more time; that was the vampire's Achilles heal. Even through the pouring rain and night sky Buffy watched Spike's body language darken and invert in on itself. He stood very still for a moment, his eyes closed, his emotions caving in on themselves. He looked up and Buffy knew instinctively that he was crying, he cried so easily now, or at least this was the first time she'd taken the care to notice.

"Maybe we all would've been better off if you'd staked me the night outside the shop...I can't take back anything that I've done. If I could maybe I wouldn't even have come to this bloody place, but I can't. I'm sorry.......sorry about everything..."

"Too little too late. You're nothing but a....."

"ENOUGH!!!" Buffy suddenly shouted,"Xander lay off! I never stopped you from hitting him....but I can stop you from putting him down like this. If you ever want to have anything to do with me and Dawn you have back off Spike...ignore him if it makes it easier, but don't hurt him, it hurts me too much and I can't have that anymore."

"Buffy...." Xander knew that everything had just come to head between him and his friend, he didn't gave time to weigh the options, he'd have to go with instinct this time.

"Make a choice, Xander." She took his look of resignation as answer,"Please go to my house and tell Dawn we'll be home soon, okay? Wait with her?" He nodded.

"What are you gonna...." His words lost momentum as Buffy whipped around and grabbed Spike by his belt, yanked him to her and crushed their lips together. She held him tighter than ever before, willing her love into him over the lock of their lips. He almost resisted, the sting of Xander's words still holding him, but soon her warmth and her tenderness overcame it and he returned the embrace. For a brief while he'd let himself pretend that they had a chance.

Chapter 18

He rushed ahead to open the car door for her, just in time as a matter of fact as she dove straight into the back seat. He got in after her and slammed the door shut, maneuvering in behind the stearing wheel and putting the key in the ignition."Spike, wait..." she spoke up,"Come into the back..."

"Buffy...."

"Don't argue with me, please come back here with me."

"Fine, pet, but if the car starts floating away, it'll be your fault." He sort of fell over the front seat into the back, half landing on the seat next to Buffy, and part on the floor."Sorry, m' a bit awkward sometimes. Kinda hard to be stealthy when one's clothes are all wet. Least I had the good sense to leave m'coat in the car." Buffy laughed and pushed her hair off her face, wringing it out and letting the water drip on to the floor as Spike gathered himself up on to the seat with her. She sighed and slumped into the seat, looking out the windshield at the rain dropping in buckets while lightened flashed in the distance and thunder rumbled in the deep places. They were closed off in their own little world, the black interior of the car giving the semblance of a cave. The rain made a hard symphony on the roof, beating the metal like a drum in some ancient rite. They could see each other only in silouttes, a slight sheen of water illuminated their features when the light flashed."Buffy? What it is, pet?" He reached out in the darkness and took her hand, it was cold to the touch,"We should get you home, can't have you catchin' your death of cold here. Being in that river could give you pneumonia."

"I hear that being held helps." She moved in closer to him, wrapping an arm around his waist and laying her head to his chest.

"You're all wet, love...river n' rain's soaked you through."

"You too. I wonder if we're the only two people in the world?"

"Certainly the only two dumb enough to still be out in the rain, pet."

"There's no one for miles and miles, no one to interrupt us." Before he had a chance to voice any opinion on the matter she'd moved over to him. Her breasts were pressed to his face, the hard peebles to her nipples against his neck while her hands cradled his head to them. She pressed a kiss to his forhead and moved over until she was straddling him. Compared to the coldness her dip in the river had brought to her, his lips on the skin of her chest were warm. All of a sudden he stopped, eyes shut tight, a dull cry rumbling deep in his throat. He moved her off him and receded into the corner."Spike? What's wrong?"

"I can't.....I'm sorry." She let him keep the comfort of only two feet between them and watched in confusion as his palms rubbed at his face and he was perceivably trembling.

"Tell, me what's wrong....I thought you'd want us to be together."

"I do, Buffy, so much, maybe too much. But this isn't taking things slow like you wanted, I...I can't be taking advantage."

"Spike, you won't be...I've missed you."

"How can you possibly want to be with me again? I don't understand it. For 147 days last summer I held you beautiful in my heart and mind, I kept seeing images of us laughing, 'cause we did sometimes, you know. That one kiss you let us have after Glory'd pounded the tar outta me...and that last night with you atop the stairs. This summer, for another 147 days I heard screams of pain and fright, a hurt and a scared girl under me while I ignored her pleas and I hurt her....you're breathtaking and wonderful and I love you...but I can't get your crying out of my mind, can't move bruises on your skin and looks of digust out from in front of my eyes. I want you Buffy more than I have a right to, but I don't think I can....you understand? Kissing and havin' fun on your couch was one thing, I knew it wasn't going any further....but now...how can make love to you? I'm just gonna remember again, every night...every night I see the monster trying to violate you....and it's me!" He looked away from her and his silouette against the window broke her heart, he felt so alone and so unworthy. She thought they'd come to an understanding, a place where all was forgiven and they could go forward, but obviously the the roots of Spike's guilt ran even deeper than she'd thought.

She unbuttoned her blouse slowly, peeling the wet garment from her skin and laying it over the front seat. Next she took off her bra and put it with her shirt. She secured her wet hair behind her shoulder before moving next to him. Her fingers curled around one had and then drew it against her chest, placing his palm over a breast and holding it in place. His hand was cold and refused to move or caress."Spike, look at me." He continued to stare out at the rain, but he seemed to grow even more introverted as if trying to will himself out of his body so he wouldn't be forced to deal with the situation. With her other hand she reached over and grasped his chin, making him look at her."Spike, you have to try and let it go. I'm not scared right now, I'm not upset, I'm not crying....I want you to touch me, I want you to love like I know you want to, with tenderness, and sweetness, like I'm precious to you. I know you can, you have before, you don't have to be afraid."

"But I am, love....you might have forgiven me, but I haven't forgiven myself." She let his hand go and it fell into her lap, and he looked away again. She moved to him again, pressing their torsos together and wrapping her hands around his neck, cradling his head against her shoulder. His arms moved around her waist and he hugged her back. Buffy felt the coolness of his fresh tears running down her arm and she squeezed him tighter."I'm sorry."

"I know, William. We'll be okay, you'll see."

"Buffy?" he urged after a time, when he was calm and himself again.

"Mmm hmmm?"

"I think the river's rising, a trout just buzzed by the window." The soft peel of her laughter that rolled out from her was practically musical.

"I guess we should be getting back, huh?"

"I'm sure the bloody search party's already been assembled, complete with requisite stakes, crossbows, pencils and anything else the whelp can use to kill me."

"He'll have to come through me, there will be no wood of any kind of coming near my vampire! Well, except one kind..."

"Count on it....when the time's right."

***

"How long can it possibly keep raining!?" Buffy asked rhetorically. Spike pulled the DeSoto into the driveway of the Revello Drive home and sighed, looking out at he water coming down, the look on his face echoing Buffy's displeasure.

"I was in the Highlands once, rained for 14 straight, though not as hard as this. If I didn't know any better I'd say it was the bloody second coming!"

"Quiet! Don't tempt fate...it's not another apocalypse!" He got out of the car and came around to her side, holding his duster over his head to shield them from the storm. They ran for the front door and slammed it behind them, the action was becoming the norm for entering the Summers home. Spike brushed the excess water from the coat's leather before hanging it up as Buffy wringing the water from her hair yet again.

"Dawn?" Buffy called,"We're home!"

"Right here," Dawn answered to Buffy's left. The Slayer and vampire turned to see not only Dawn in the living room, but also Giles, Anya, and even Xander and Willow.

"Hey, what's going on?" Buffy gave Spike a confused, apprehensive look as he stood at her side. Giles looked up from his cup of tea, classically pessimistic.

"Apocalypse," he answered.

Chapter 19

Buffy slapped Spike across his stomach,"I told you not to say it!"

"Yeah, like I have the power."

"It was a jinx! You said it!"

"If you two would kindly stop bickering, there is a more pressing matter at hand....end of the world!" Giles stated, Anya taking his hand in her's to offer encouragement and Xander looking away from it."Sit down and I'll explain." They complied, sitting together on the couch next to Dawn as well as Willow to whom Spike acknowledged with a nod. The red headed witch gave him a slight smile, knowing full well that a change had come over Buffy now that he had returned."Now perhaps you've all noticed something unusual about the rain?"

"Yeah, like it won't bloody stop!" Spike interjected.

"Besides that, it's salt water that's falling from the sky, not fresh which is the norm of course."

"That explains it!" Buffy blurted out,"Spike, you tasted salty." The vampire raised an eyebrow and the Slayer then noticed the looks she was getting from the others,"When I kissed him...on the lips....geez, climb outta the gutter!"

"Right, as I was saying....the vegetation has begun to suffer, wildlife also."

"Oh! And froggy fish monsters!"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Earlier, Xander and I saved a couple of girls from these amphibious things. Might have been the Sunnydale swim team, hard to say, I was drowning at the time."

"Again?"

"I'm trying to break the habit, honest."

"I made the comment to Anya that at the rate the water was falling it would be a wonder if California didn't get swallowed up like Atlantis."

"And then I told him what actually happened to Atlantis," Anya continued,"I used to date Poseidon, Greek God of the Ocean, and he loved to tell stories....long long time ago he was called by Zeus to unleash the Kraken to destroy Atlantis. After it was done the big guy was imprisoned, Zeus had Freudian issues with anyone bigger than him. But it all started with rain just like this."

"Therefore I deduced that this might be occurring here in Sunnydale."

"So a bunch a ancient Greek Gods are trying to kill us?" Buffy asked,"Man....so what if I can't make a decent souvlaki, I try..."

"It's not Zeus or Poseidon, they've retired to Mount Olympus with all the others," Anya provided.

"I'm afraid it's far more serious, grave," Giles picked up,"I consulted a number of books and records in both City Hall and the Centennial Museum, and I ran across a bit of a summation of previous Hell Mouth activities related to water. Very nonspecific, but gave a few clues - salt water rain, amphibious demons, fresh water becoming salted, sea creatures invading the land, so on and so forth....it was all in preparation for the Kraken to escaped from a second Hell Mouth...somehow the crisis was averted and the fissure was sealed, a lake arose over it apparently."

"A Kraken?" Spike scoffed,"A bloody Kraken? Don't suppose you've got a Gorgon's head laying around the magic shop?"

"'Fraid not."

"Hey I know this one! Clash of the Titans, right?! With that dude from LA Law!" Xander interrupted needlessly.

"Try Perseus and Andromeda, you nit, did you learn nothing in school besides how to be a loser?" Spike huffed.

"Yeah, well what the American Education System failed to teach me I learned form pulp culture!"

"If we could return our focus to the impending destruction of all we hold dear," Giles persisted,"Spike you're not too far off the mark...I believe the myth's way to be our best option, the only sure way to defeat a Kraken will likely be to turn it to stone with the eyes of the Gorgon."

"Can't we just fight it?" Buffy asked,"We took on the Mayor and he was as big as the school."

"The Kraken's the size of the Empire States building," Anya supplied casually.

"Oh."

"Where pray tell us Watcher where are we going to find ourselves a Gorgon?" Spike inquired with a bit a acid on his tongue, the incredibility of the situation irking him.

"Oh, the usual place, Isle of the Dead, one the edge of Hades, Aegean Sea. Easy to get to via portals...Anya can open one, or I could with the same method I did when I first came back."

"Of course the Gorgon's not going to just give us her head."

"'Course not. Spike, you'll have to use some of the things you learned with Sarlaak, fighting a Gorgon is a monumental battle, perilous. But, old man, I dare say I believe if anyone can do it, it's you."

"Thanks mate, went ought I to start?"

"WOAH! Time out!" Buffy suddenly spoke up,"No one's sending my boyfriend off on some perilous quest! Nuh-uh, no way, no how."

"Buffy, love, I'm the only one that stands a chance - you remember the old myths? Medusa, snake bottome half, woman up top, snakes in her hair, turn anything living to stone with one look in her eye....I'm dead...." Spike reasoned.

"But you have your soul now...."

"True...but, I don't think...."

"You're not sure...that's what you're saying? I just got you back..." Maybe it was just pre-Apocalypse stress getting to her, but she was all of a sudden crying.

"My poor girl." He caressed her face and she leaned into the palm of his hand, the looks between them sweeter than a summer peach. Xander had to look away, Willow patting his knee and giving him a sympathetic look. Giles, Anya and Dawn all simply smiled at each other.

"I'm coming with you...don't even try to argue." In .06 seconds she'd gone from jellyfish to electric eel, the look on her face would turn the Kraken to stone all by itself, Gorgon head no longer needed.

"Fine, but I'm blindfolding you....don't fancy a statue for a girlfriend. On the other hand you'd go with the crypt's decor."

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