Three Little Words

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Title: Three Little Words

Author: Hilary

Rating: G

Summery: A little insight into what prompts Buffy's decision about Spike's chip. Takes place immediately after The Killer in Me

Disclaimer: Everything I have borrowed from Joss.

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It's happening again.

Every moan, every wince and every time he touches his head I'm back there again.

And just like last time I feel helpless.

He's lying so still. Maybe I should be glad. At least while he's out of it he can't feel any pain. But he's so pale and if I touch his hand I know it'll be cold.

Just like hers.

I remember how helpless I felt when my Mom got sick. She had this thing in her head that was killing her and there was nothing I could do. I had to leave her fate in the hands of doctors. People who didn't know her. Didn't know how important she was to me.

But in the end it didn't matter. I still lost her. Nature won.

I still sometimes wonder if it would have made a difference if I'd been there. If I could have saved her if I'd had the chance. But I never had that chance. God, or whoever it is that works these things, didn't let me try.

It's different this time though. This time I have the chance. I can make a difference. The thing in Spike's head isn't anything natural like a tumour. And I can save him. All I have to do is say the words. Three little words.

"Take it out."