us hide our Gundams, we put them in really out-of-the-way places and even
then people have stumbled across them once or twice... but you and Wing
popped up right next to the school when you saved Relena's ass, and nobody
knew it was there! How do you do it?
has long brown hair, big hazel eyes, and glasses. Oh, and fangs. She
adjusts a microphone fussily, and beams out at the audience as the
(to the tune of 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus')
Lime and yaoi and angst and torture too,
I never a~ask why
When poor Duo sniffles by
It's prob'ly something that I wrote that is making him cry!
Sending Quatre Winner into shock,
The poor boy, in my fics
Speaks no words but takes his licks
And not from Trowa, either, I mean bruises from big sticks!
OOC and crossovers I like,
When Wufei is blasted out
Of this world, what does he shout?
"It's that bloody onna's fault, can't someone punch her out?!"
Traumatising Heero mentally,
Poor Heero's head will spin
When he hits his o~own chin
When Id and Superego fight it's masochists who win!
Keeping secrets about That Damn Tree,
I'll make Ashura wait
Though it's me she'll come to hate
--hang on, no, we need her help, apologies we'll make!
pissed off chibi bishounen, and stamp Mel the Redcap flat.]
What We Did About It
Storm's writing den. She looks........ worried.]
huge... THING. It looks suspiciously like the energy weapon in the
prologue of 'Demon of Justice', and it's pointed straight at the TV.
There's another one just visible through the hall door; it seems to
be pointing into the room where Storm keeps her computer.]
like this one. [she waves a handful of Duo's hair at the nervous girl
sitting next to her on the couch.] This is our Relena. She isn't
insanely fixated on Heero, though she did have a crush for a while;
she doesn't endanger you G-boys by following you around in a pink
limo all the time; she's nice to Duo (most of the time) and even
you have to admit she's brave and honourable.
out there who write Relena in a way that we like. Don't ask us for
fic titles or author names right now, we'd have to go look them up
and we've got the computer perfectly set up for our Kill Relenas
Project. HOWEVER, there are many other fics featuring Relena as a) a
wimpy sucky 'HEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'-screaming fluffhead, b)
an evil Duo-torturing vicious bitch with enough money to make his
life hell, c) anything else that sets our teeth on edge. While we
adore many of these fics, we hate those Relenas. And canon Relena
from the series is just plain idiotic, especially in the dub. "Does
that make Heero a Little Prince?" my ass!
things! [points at giant humming Thingy pointed at the TV. Mel's legs
are currently sticking out of an access port on top of it, waving
around as she tries to reach something.]
blasted you out of the universe in 'Demon of Justice'--
THIS universe so you don't have to see stupid Relenas any more?!
Christy... I'm stuck.
straight up by one ankle.]
Wuffie. They're properly adjusted and finished - the one that shot
you didn't even have a frammistat - and you aren't going to be
hitting them at just the right moment with Shenlong's energy naginata
Wouldn't dream of it.
versions of Relena, so we're going to kill them. It's a venting-
frustrations thing, our psychiatrist suggested it.
(standing on the stairs at her party with a stunned-mullet look on
her face saying the Little Prince line) on the TV. We already have
webpages up on Christy's computer with the fics we're targeting her
in displayed. At the right moment, I hit this remote control [shows
Big Red Button] and suitably frammistated energy shoots out into
Virtual Writing Space, hits all the versions of Relena we hate, and
fries them like Crispy Critters.
that bitch has DONE to me!?!? No offence meant, hon.
clicking noises come from in there for several minutes, then they emerge.]
get off Wufei, then pulls him off Trowa and Trowa off Quatre.]
Critter on the stairs... I think we have a success! Christy, go check
All these fics now have Crispy Critters drugging people and paying
for goon squads! Hey, the torture goes on but she's been PUNISHED!
peers over it.]
little rewriting. [picks a dazed Nice Relena up and dusts her off.]
Won't you, honey?