Mel Must Write1

Mel wrote a sillyfic for Asuka. Christy read it, and decided she wanted equal sillyfic rights... or something. <g> Besides, lots of people are asking when the next chapters of various fics are coming out. So...

 

MEL MUST WRITE

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[Mel is sitting in the common room of the International Students House at Kanazawa University, trying to read a manga and surf the Internet at the same time. It's not working very well.]

DEATHSCYTHE: So, when are you going to write that sillyfic for Christy? She is waiting for it, you know...

MEL: GAH!

[He appeared right behind her and spoke without warning, so her surprised reaction threw her onto the table and halfway onto her laptop. It beeps in protest.]

MEL <hissed whisper>: whatthefuckareyouDOINGhere?!? getoutbeforesomeoneSEESyou!

OTHER EXCHANGE STUDENT: Mel, what's wrong?

MEL: Uh-- er-- well-- he's--

DEATHSCYTHE: She can't see me.

MEL: --it was a wasp! A really big one! Really! Um... I think it went thataway.

OTHER EXCHANGE STUDENT: I told you they'd come for revenge if you kept killing them...

MEL: Hey, the score is five-nil in my favour so far... and if they don't want me to kill them, they shouldn't land next to my keyboard when I'm armed with a large guidebook.

[She settles slowly back into her seat, looking uneasily back over her shoulder at Deathscythe. He's calmly leaning against the next table, picking thoughtfully at the edge of his scythe blade.]

MEL <mutter>: And do you have to do that?! I don't care how gorgeous you are, I don't want you fiddling with a weapon in a mildly threatening way around me!

DEATHSCYTHE: I thought it might... shall we say... inspire you to greater efforts. Christy wants her sillyfic, and I want you to write it so I turn up in your house in Australia. I miss Duo, and I still owe Heero for that 'spare parts' episode.

MEL <mutter>: Tough. You can just go there, you know... you don't need me to write it!

DEATHSCYTHE: It's not official unless one of you writes it. And before you suggest it, no, Christy can't take care of it. She's busy writing "Conversations" and things like that, so you are stuck with the job!

MEL: All right, I'll try to write it, but--

RENGIN: You have to write my sssstory firsssst!

[A large silver snake-demon is now draped across the table and looking at Mel from over the top of her laptop. Her startled jerk backwards doesn't quite knock her chair over.]

RENGIN: You haven't even got to my firsssst appearansssse, much lessss any of the really good bitssss you've thought of.

SUISEN: Have you given any thoughts to my latest list of suggestions? Rengin-san and I have been discussing the scene where we meet...

[There's now a Buddhist monk standing next to her chair. Mel sighs and slowly folds forwards to bounce her head gently on the table.]

MEL: As I was going to say... I have other projects I'm trying to work on right now.

[A couple more characters appear.]

SESSHOUMARU: Not that you are working on them. When am I going to get out of that damn cave?!

MEL: When Ryouga stops being tongue-tied and lets me get him out of the cave. I have to do that first, you know.

RYOUGA: It's not my fault! Whenever I try to tell you what I'm going to say, he gets in the way and wriggles his tail at you!

[He points accusingly at Rengin, who sticks out his (forked) tongue at him. It's starting to get crowded in the common room...]

KRASHNARK: While we're on the subject of "things Mel should write", I want another chapter of 'Demon of Justice' --preferably with some lines in it for me this time!

DEATHSCYTHE: Look, I have precedence, okay?!

KRASHNARK: Like I care what you want. I was here first.

DEATHSCYTHE: Not for this nagging session you weren't.

SESSHOUMARU: She was writing my story long before yours, ghoul. Piss off.

[The various characters are beginning to glare angrily at each other.]

DEATHSCYTHE: Ghoul?! I'm a Death... which should give you some idea of just how stupid it is to annoy me!

SESSHOUMARU: I'm a youkai. Youkai are immortal. Watch me not care.

DEATHSCYTHE: Immortal only means "not dead yet". I can fix that.

KRASHNARK: And I can fix you if you don't get out of my way. I'm a real God, not just a Minion, so--

MEL: HALT! Cut it out! Nobody's killing anybody else, okay?!

OTHER EXCHANGE STUDENT: What?

MEL: Er-- nothing! Nothing, really, just... er... talking to my computer. Eheh.

[The other student doesn't look convinced, but finally goes back to her own computer. Mel glares at the assembled characters.]

MEL <hissed whisper>: Cut it out! You're from different stories, you're from different worlds, and you can't interact unless I let you. I say no fighting, so no fighting! All right?!

RENGIN: I wassssn't fighting. Doessss that mean I'm currently in favour and will get my sssstory written firsssst?

MEL <hissed>: No! 'Scythe, come here.

[Deathscythe smirks smugly at the other characters and strolls over, scythe canted back over his shoulder.]

DEATHSCYTHE: It's nice to see that someone recognises I have priority over-- WHOAAAARGH!

[Mel grabs him, squashes him flat on the table, folds him into a rough envelope shape, scribbles the address, sticks on a stamp and throws him out the window in the general direction of a mail box.]

MEL <growl>: Priority? Damn right he has priority... I wrote "airmail" on him, didn't I? He might be a Death, but I'm a writer! Nobody pisses off the writer!

[The other characters take a prudent step-- or slither--backwards.]

RYOUGA: Er... very true, Mel-san!

SUISEN: Whenever you get around to it is fine for our story. We're just glad you've been kind enough to consider us at all.

RENGIN: Definitely. Thank you, Mel-ssssan.

SESSHOUMARU: ...I refuse to grovel.

KRASHNARK: Same here.

MEL <hissed>: I don't care whether you grovel or not, just so long as you go away and let me write! I addressed 'Scythe to home, so that takes care of him, but if the rest of you don't stop squabbling in my head every time I pick up a pencil, nobody will get their story written! Or... I will write your stories, and I will do really evil things to all of you!!!

[The characters look nervously at each other and quietly fade out back into Ficspace. Mel groans quietly and puts her head back down on the table.]

MEL: Like I think that's really going to work for more than ten minutes. *sigh* Well, at least I should have a little peace and quiet...

JAY: Oh I say, nobody's here, don'tcherknow! Are we late for the nag session, wot?

NICKLAUS ASSINK: Looks like it.

JAY: Odd, that; I was sure it was today. Ah well, we'll just have to hold our own then! When's the next chapter of Warped Mirrors coming out, eh?

MEL: AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

OTHER EXCHANGE STUDENT: That's it! I'm calling the psych ward!

* * * * *

[SEVERAL DAYS LATER]

CHRISTY: Oi, Duo! Any mail today?

DUO: You're the one on the computer! Can't you check?

CHRISTY: I mean snail mail.

DUO: ...right. I'll look.

[Duo saunters out to the mailbox and peers inside.]

DUO: Lessee here... one catalogue from Spotlight... one catalogue from Clints... one catalogue from GoLo... stupid local paper that never has anything good in it... hm? Something addressed to Christy... hey, this looks like Mel's handwriting!

[He peers at the large, battered 'envelope' to puzzle out the high-speed scrawl.]

DUO: "Please DO fold, spindle and mutilate; contents bloody annoying"?! Sheesh... she's weird! Well, I guess I'll give it to the other insane onna.

[He stuffs it into his pocket with the catalogues and paper, not noticing the frantic little meeping noises coming from it, and strolls back into the house.]

[FIVE MINUTES LATER]

DEATHSCYTHE: I'M GOING TO KILL HER!!!!!

 

---THE END---

 

NOTE FROM MEL: Yes, I'm still trying to write... but honestly, the number of characters I have competing for attention inside my head at the moment is getting ridiculous! Still, a little IS getting done, and I'll keep doing my best, I promise!

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